


Once upon a Dream

by ZRobnett, ZRobnett2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cussing, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Angst, French Kissing, Kissing, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Memory Loss, Rimming, Rough Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-30
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-03-26 08:08:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 27,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3843478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZRobnett/pseuds/ZRobnett, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZRobnett2/pseuds/ZRobnett2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PROMPT submitted by Mary Jakeman<br/>Cas gets amnesia and Dean has to try and make him remember that they are each other’s first & only loves.</p><p>To expand on that. Cas is in a car accident rendering him unable to recall the last 7 years of his life with his husband Dean. His last cohesive memory is kissing an ex named Meg. Dean has to prove to Cas that he is his one true love and help him either regain his memories or make new ones. Cas only can recall Dean in dream's and so wakes with a sense of loss but not the exact cause, its enough though for him to give Dean the chance to see if he can love him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crashing Through The Door

[Destiel- Once upon a Dream](https://youtu.be/9AAUWpZDiY4)

 

"I wanna tell you a story. It's about how two men met and fell in love. My name is Dean Winchester. This is our story. We met in a park. It was raining and he had his collar pulled up against the storm, I had an umbrella and offered to share. We shared a cab and then had drinks together. Eventually, as people do after many dates we fell in love. We were married on October 10th 2010. It was the perfect tens, just like him. He always loved books, knowledge. He had questions about everything. He would tell me "Dean, Life is a never ending question to be answered with yet another question" So we were married under the archways at the beautiful Boston library. The reception was even held inside those walls. Cas loved it. He said there was nothing more peaceful than being surrounded by books. That's his name, by the way, my husband. His name is Castiel, but I just call him Cas. So, why am I sitting here, telling you my story? It helps to talk. I can't pray anymore. They won't let me see him and I don't know if he is ok. I don't know if he is even alive. I'm afraid. I'm so afraid" Deans voice trails off as the tears fall. The old woman in the church pew at the hospital silently holds his hand.

**5 hours earlier**

 

 _**Oh I can't fight this feeling any longer** _  
_**And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow** _  
_**What started out as friendship,** _  
_**Has grown stronger** _  
_**I only wish I had the strength to let it show** _

 

Cas looks at Dean oddly and at the radio "Baby, what are we listening to?"

  
  
_**I tell myself that I can't hold out forever**_  
_**I said there is no reason for my fear**_  
_**'Cause I feel so secure when we're together**_  
_**You give my life direction**_  
_**You make everything so clear**_

 

Dean smiles " It's our song"  
  
_**And even as I wander**_  
_**I'm keeping you in sight**_  
_**You're a candle in the window**_  
_**On a cold, dark winter's night**_  
_**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might**_

Cas laughs "It is NOT"

Dean starts singing "It is now baby..sing along" He turns up the radio"

Cas rolls his eyes and laughs

_  
**And I can't fight this feeling anymore**_

_**I've forgotten what I started fighting for**_  
_**It's time to bring this ship into the shore**_  
_**And throw away the oars, forever**_  
  
_**'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore**_  
_**I've forgotten what I started fighting for**_  
_**And if I have to crawl upon the floor**_  
_**Come crashing through your door**_  
_**Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore**_

Dean reaches out and holds Cas's hand.

Cas sighs and smiles "Okay, it can be our backup song"

Dean smiles and sings to Cas  
  
_**My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you**_  
_**I've been running round in circles in my mind**_  
_**And it always seems that I'm following you, boy**_  
_**'Cause you take me to the places**_  
_**That alone I'd never find**_  
  
_**And even as I wander**_  
_**I'm keeping you in sight**_  
_**You're a candle in the window**_  
_**On a cold, dark winter's night**_  
_**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might**_

Cas laughs out loud "you're crazy! But I love you!"

Dean stops at the intersection and sings louder  
  
_**And I can't fight this feeling anymore**_  
**_I've forgotten what I started fighting fo_    ** *Honk! Honk! Honk!*    *CRASH!*

Out of nowhere a semi-truck lost control and came barreling down the road. It smashed directly into the side of the car Cas was sitting in. Glass came flying in and Dean ducked down trying to cover Cas head in the process as well as attempt to keep some control of the vehicle now spinning wildly out of control. It was too quick to do anything. One moment Cas is laughing and he is singing the next the truck has hit them and the car is flipping and he is screaming "Cas!!!" The paramedics show up and they pull Dean out of the car and he is screaming and trying to get to Cas. "No.. No! My Husband is still in there, He's still in that car!!" 

"Sir. If you can just attempt to remain calm. We are doing all we can to get to your husband. OK"

Dean put his head in his hands "What does that mean 'Get to my husband'?"

"He seems to be pinned in and has suffered a head wound. We're working as fast as possible. You, remaining calm is key right now"

Dean begin to rock back and forth and tears burned his cheeks "Just.. just get him OK. Just get him out." He put his head back in his hands and sat down.

Dean called his brother Sam who rushed over. The paramedics took Cas and wouldn't allow Dean to go because he was being air lifted for immediate transfer. When they got to the hospital Cas was in surgery. Dean yelled at every doctor he could but when nothing else worked he sat down to wait. He ended up in the chapel where Sam said sometimes it helps to talk about it.

***

Sam came into the chapel "Hey... I got some coffee if you're interested"

Dean looked up, he was still crying and holding the old woman's hand. The old woman said in a thick Greek accent "He's telling me his story.. is good for him"

Sam's eyes got misty "Yes. it is. Ok. I'll just let you know if I hear anything from the doctors" 

Just then the nurse came in "Mr. Winchester you can see your husband now".

Dean immediately was up and out the door. He hurried through the halls, wiping his tears on his sleeve. He got to the door went in and hugged him gently, he didn't want to bruise him. Then he leaned in to kiss him and Cas put his hand up "I.. I'm sorry. I don't know you. I don't remember you?"

Dean pulled back as if he's been slapped "Wait. what?"

"I don't know you. So this is, very awkward" Cas pushed Deans chest so he was further away from him.

"Your fuckin' telling me. Doctor!!!" Dean went storming out of Cas' room. What the hell was going on? He found the doctor hurrying to his room. 

"Hi Mr. Winchester, I'm Doctor Carver. They were supposed to talk to you before you went in there"

Dean had his hands on his hips and he was nodding at nothing "Ok, they didn't. What the hell is wrong with my Cas? He doesn't know me? What the fuck?"

"I'm afraid the accident did a great deal of damage to his brain. He has amnesia. Short term memory loss to be exact.It might just be temporary. But so far as I can tell his last know memory is of.."

"Me. Hi asshole"

Dean looked up with contempt in his eyes "Meg. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"You won't believe it... guess who asked to see me?"

"Son of a bitch! He's not even in his right mind" Dean looked at the doctor "You can't be serious, just because he remembers this hell spawn doesn't mean he should be able to see her. He's my husband and he is clearly out of his mind. He left this bitch 7 years ago"

The doctor sighed "You do have certain right as his husband. But forbidding him from triggering a memory breakthrough in a controlled environment, is not one of them. We're letting him see her.

Dean clenched his fists so tight he thought he might break his own hands. "I'm seeing him ALONE for a second."

He marched into the room. Cas looked right through him and it broke his heart. He steeled his reserve and he walked over to the bed. "You don't remember me, but I remember you. Im your husband, okay? We are married. We have been for the last 5 years. I want you to know whatever happens Cas, I'm here. I love you. We will face this thing together."

Cas nodded unsure "um yea.. sure" Then his face lit up "Meg"

" Remember me....I sure remember you, Clarence"

Cas laughed and broke Deans heart "Of course I remember you. Come here" Meg came over to the bed and Cas grabbed her and kissed her. Dean ran from the room. He walked past the doctors, he walked past Sam they asked where he was going "I'm going to go talk to the Yaya in the chapel. It's all I can think of, I just need to talk" 

 

 

 


	2. Even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight

Dean sat in the chapel talking to the woman who said to call her Yaya, which is a grandma in Greek. He went on with his story." Meg. How does he remember her and not me? Remember I told you when we met he was in the park in the rain with no umbrella? That was because of her. She was his girlfriend. They had been together for about 6 months. That day Cas had come home to find her in bed with his roommate. He left, went for a walk and ran into me. He doesn't know me Yaya. At all. He has no recollection of me. I don't know what to do. How to remind him that I am his first love, his only love and that he is mine."

 Yaya held his hand "Maybe. You no have to. Maybe you just show him how to love you again, for the first time"

Dean nodded wiping away his tears "Yea. Yea, I can do that. He fell in love with me once, there's nothing that says he can't do it again"

 Yaya patted his cheek "There's a good boy"

* * *

Cas had said goodbye to Meg. He didn't really want her to leave. She was the only thing he knew or recognized. They had told him he lost 7 years of memories. He understood that on a logical scale but actually acknowledging that was proving difficult. He got out of bed and looked in the mirror. He supposed he looked different, but, was it 7 years different? He just didn't know. He remembered kissing Meg goodbye before he went to work earlier today, then waking up in the hospital. They tell him that day was 7 years ago, why does it feel like no time has passed? Then there is the guy. He was attractive, for a guy.  Cas had thought about men before but never acted on it. This man, though, he swore not only were they intimate, they were married. Meg had told him she didn't know jack about that asshole, but her anger seemed to suggest she knew more than she was telling. Cas was afraid and alone. He felt like he missed something..or...someone? But he couldn't put his finger on what it was. The man came back in.

"Hey, baby...um...Cas. Is that bitch gone?"

Cas said "I assume you mean Meg and yes, she said she couldn't stay"

The man seemed to get angry "Your damn right she couldn't..." He took a deep breath "Yea, Cas. She didn't stay because she hasn't seen you since you left her 7 years ago"

"Did I leave her for you? She seems very angry when you are mentioned."

The man scoffed "Ha. No. She screwed up all by herself. I met you after that."

Cas inclined his head "What's your name?"

"Oh, gee yeah. I didn't think... It's Dean. My name is Dean" His eyes filled with unshed tears

Cas was concerned "I've upset you?"

Dean shook his head and wiped a tear that fell "No. It's not your fault Cas. I'm just glad you are alive. The rest we can work out."

Cas fidgeted with a ring on his left hand. "Is this your's?"

Dean looked where Cas was spinning the ring and his voice cracked as he answered "No. It's yours. I, um... I gave it to you, though"

Cas continued to spin the ring "It's strange. I don't recall having it but when I tried to remove it, my hand felt too light and naked. Almost like, it knows its supposed to be there"

"Well. You don't take it off, except in the shower" Dean put his head in his hand. Cas suspected he was crying again "I'm sorry Cas. This is just really hard for me"

Cas was uncomfortable. He obviously meant a great deal to this man, but he couldn't reciprocate his emotions "That's all right. I should probably get some rest, they tell me I was in a car accident"

Dean looked up. He wiped his nose "Yea. Okay. You want me to stay with you?"

Cas looked away out the window of the hospital "No thank you"

Dean got up and kissed him on the top of the head "Okay. I love you. I'll be back to visit, we'll fix this Cas, I swear it"

* * *

 

Dean walked out of the hospital room and down the hall. His brother stopped him and gave him a hug. The hug proved to be his undoing. He broke down in sobs. Through his tears, he asked "What am I supposed to do Sammy? What if he never remembers me? What if he never loves me again?" 

His brother just held him and let him cry "It's gonna be okay, Dean...It's gonna be okay."

Sam drove Dean home. He put him in bed and covered him up. He went downstairs and made a pallet on the couch not wanting to leave his brother alone. He could hear Dean still crying. Eventually, he cried himself out and must have fallen asleep because Sam didn't hear him anymore. He just hoped they could find a way to get Cas back or he didn't know what Dean would do.

* * *

 

Cas was dreaming. He heard a man's voice but it was dark. "Okay, no peeking Cas....okay and...open your eyes"

Cas looked around. He remembered this. Dean had built him a library. The shelves in the spare room of their house were lined with books. He turned to Dean a smile on his face "I love it, hun!"

He wrapped his arms around Dean's neck and kissed him. Dean smiled back "Happy anniversary baby" 

Cas woke up. A nurse was checking his vitals. She looked concerned "Your crying Mr. Winchester. Is everything okay? Are you in pain?"

Cas' heart felt heavy, he touched his cheek and his fingertips came away wet. He looked at his fingers "I think I'm sad. I was dreaming."

The nurse tucked in his blankets "Do you remember what the dream was about"

Cas shook his head "No. Nothing. That's odd"

"It's pretty common in your condition. If you would like we can get you a journal, sometimes it helps to write down what you recall of your dreams. It might help you access your lost memories"

Cas nodded "ok..sure. Tomorrow. I think I just want to sleep"

The nurse nodded and turned out the light. Cas drifted off but realized he was still crying.

 


	3. My life has been such a whirlwind

Cas wrapped his arm's around Dean. His lips kissing his neck. Then he Breathed in deeply. "Do you know what I love about you?" He asked

Dean looked up from the table he was currently hand sanding. "I hope many things." He laughed

Cas shifted and sat in his lap burying his face in Dean's leather jacket. "Well, yes. Many things. I especially love, though, the fact that you smell like an old book"

Dean raised his eyebrow "Baby, Is that supposed to be a compliment"

Cas laughed "Yes, It is actually. You smell like a beautiful leather bound book. Worn leather, wood fragments that resemble the smell of parchment and just a hint of dust from being in this basement working all day. "He smelled Dean again "I really love that smell"

Dean kissed him "Well I'm glad. You really are a total bibliophile though"

Cas shrugged "I love books but I love you more"

***

Cas woke up. He had the scent of leather and wood in his nose. He hoped that wasn't a sign of an impending stroke or something. Glancing around the hospital room he noticed the man, Dean,asleep in the chair by his bed. He stirred and opened his eyes. Cas thought he had beautiful green eyes, for a man. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Hey babe...Uh Cas. You're awake"

Cas nodded "Yes. Do you smell leather and wood?"

Dean laughed and rubbed the back of his neck "Yea. That would be me. Does it bother you?"

Cas shook his head "No. I think I find it..pleasant. Have I always?"

Dean's smile softened "Yea, you have. You said it reminded you of old books. Speaking of, I actually brought you some of your favorites. I thought it would be kind of neat for you, to re-read them, like, for the first time"

Cas cocked his head to the side "A silver lining to amnesia? I like it. Are you always this optimistic?"

Dean laughed "Hell, no. I think I picked that up from you." his eyes got serious "How are you feeling? Physically, I mean"

Cas thought about that "My ribs are a bit sore and the cast on my leg itches incessantly, other than that, alright I guess."

Dean sat up a little more in the chair "Yeah. Uhm. I actually wanted to talk to you about some things, if you're not too tired?"

Cas smoothed the sheets over his lap "I'm alright. What's on your mind?" That was probably a loaded question but Cas couldn't take it back now.

Dean let out a breath and his brow furrowed slightly " They wanna release you tomorrow. I know you don't know me but I want to take you home. You don't have to sleep with me or anything. We have a spare room and it, you know, locks. If you're...afraid...of me" He closed his eyes as if saying that was too painful to even think of. 

Cas thought about his options. Were there any options? He supposed he could get a hotel, but how would he pay for it? There was Meg, except Cas couldn't quite be comfortable with her. He wasn't sure why. He had believed he cared deeply for Meg, but something made him uneasy around her. Was it always like that? This man was supposedly his husband. Cas knew he needed answer's about that. For starters, when did he become gay? Just looking at..Dean.. he could tell Dean loved him. It was pretty clear by how often he had to leave the room to not cry. Cas noticed it each time but felt the man deserved self-respect, so he didn't mention it. Dean sat there now, waiting patiently while Cas mulled all this over.

He finally took a deep breath and spoke "Okay. Dean. I can go to your home. I really don't have many other options and I assume all my belongings are there. The doctors inform me, being around familiar things may help spark my memories. I do have a condition, though."

Dean leaned forward, hope in his eyes "Anything you want Cas"

Castiel tried to be delicate with his response "I believe, I would like Meg to still be allowed to visit me"

Dean stood up abruptly, knocking the chair back with his hand "Dammit Cas!" His movements startled Cas. Dean ran his hand through his hair and took a few breaths. He swiped his hand over his face and sat back down. "Cas. You don't understand. Meg... She's not good Cas. " He sighed "Do you remember Michael?"

Cas nodded "Of course. We were college roommates. He just recently, well, in my memory recently moved in with Meg and me. Why?"

Dean blew out a breath "The day I met you, you were in the park, in the rain. You had gone home that day, early, to surprise Meg"

Cas vision dimmed, his head hurt for a second then he had a flash, a memory. Meg and Michael in bed together. *flash* Meg yelling that Michael was attentive to her needs as a woman *flash* Cas punching Michael *flash* Sitting on a park bench, collar pulled up. He shook his head to clear it and massaged his eye where a headache had bloomed.

He said out loud "She cheated on me" Cas knew for everyone else this was 7 years ago. For Cas, the anger welled up in him as if he had just fund out.

Dean's brow creased "Yeah. She did. But..How did you know?"

Cas clenched his fist "I got a memory flash. A fairly unwelcome, vivid memory. I'm glad I punched that bastard"

Dean's eyes widened "Did you remember anything else? Anything..about me?"

Cas looked over sadly "No. I'm sorry"

Dean shook it off " It's okay Cas. You alright? You look like your in pain."

"I just got a headache. Do you think you could get me a nurse?"

Dean was out of his chair instantly "Sure. I'll be right back." He rushed from the room.

Cas put his head back against the pillows. He thought _"Fucking Meg. Why am I not surprised? 6 months together and she fucks the first guy I bring in the house. Well, that's obviously done and over with. No wonder she was pissed at me asking about Dean. She hoped I wouldn't remember. What a bitch."_

***

Dean was heading back with the nurse when he saw Meg coming down the hallway grinning and carrying a basket with muffins in it. The nurse went in the room. Dean grabbed Meg's arm and pulled her a distance from Cas' room. "I wouldn't go in there right now if I were you, sweetheart."

Meg raised her eyebrow "Oh no? Well, just try and stop me" She tried to walk around him but Dean stepped in her way.

"I don't think you wanna do that. Cas had a memory recall a minute ago. Guess what it was?" He grinned at her

She pushed at Dean's chest frustrated "Dammit! It's not fair! Why should you get him? He was mine."

Dean crossed his arms over his chest "You gave him up when you decided to fuck Michael"

Meg kicked the wall "Uggg! Michael was a mistake" she hissed

Dean leaned in getting his face close to hers "Yeah? Well, it was the mistake that cost you Cas. Now get the hell out of here. He doesn't want to see you."

Meg composed herself and walked past Dean "We will just see about that"

She walked into the room. Dean stood in the doorway. She went over to the side of the bed and set down the basket of muffins. "Hey, Clarence. I brought you some muffins. Honey filled, your favorite." She leaned in to kiss him.

Cas put his hand up and pushed her back "Don't touch me with your mouth after it has been wrapped around Michael's cock"

Megs mouth dropped open "Cas, that was years ago"

He stared straight ahead not looking at her "I think you should go"

She tried to protest "But..I've changed!"

"Meg. Leave, now."

She turned around and huffed out. Dean followed her to make sure she didn't cause any problems. She whipped around on him "You think you have won. You didn't you know. He still doesn't even remember being gay." She laughed

Dean glared "I think you're enjoying this a little too much"

She narrowed her eyes at him "Oh, you bet I am. I hope for his sake the last 7 years never return! He can be better off without you." She pushed out of the hospital doors.

Dean shook his head and went back into the room. Cas was laying back in bed. He spoke as Dean got to the side of his bed "Thank you, for telling me the truth, about Meg. I think I need to sleep, let the medicine work on this headache"

Dean nodded "Okay. If it's alright with you, I'd like to just sit here a while."

Cas nodded so Dean sat down in the chair and laid his head back. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of Cas breathing.

***

Cas' head was thrown back. He was panting. "Dean.."

Dean lay over him. His body moving gently inside Cas. He kissed him, his tongue seeking out Cas'. His hand cupped Cas' face. Cas stared into his green eyes. Dean whispered "Cas. I Love you"

Cas closed his eyes, wrapping his legs around Dean. He pulled him in deeper. Rocking his hips forward to match Dean's downward thrusts. "You do?"

Dean kissed him again "Yes. More then you know"

A tear fell from Cas' eye "I love you too"

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and buried his face in his neck. His movement's becoming more hurried as he approached orgasm. He murmured "Thank god!"

Cas chuckled and then tossed his head back as he was rocked with an orgasm "Dean!"

***

"Cas... Cas, hey. Baby? Are you ok?"

Cas woke up. His breathing was erratic he looked around wildly for a moment. He finally focused on Dean's face "What's wrong? What happened?"

Dean looked concerned "Your crying"

Cas wiped his hand over his cheeks "Oh. Yes. Its some odd side effect to all this, I think. It has happened a couple of times."

Dean's face was thoughtful "You, uh, you said my name... In your sleep."

Cas scrunched up his features and tried to recall what he had dreamed "I don't remember what I was dreaming. Did I?"

"Yeah. You did." he cleared his throat "How do you feel? You okay?"

Cas thought about that "I feel....alone."

Dean gripped his hand "You're not alone Cas. I'll stay with you. Okay?"

Cas squeezed Dean's hand "Okay. Thank you." He was already drifting back off to sleep. Dean pulled the chair closer and held onto Cas hand. he lay his head on the bed beside Cas' body. He whispered to himself "Cas... please remember me, baby." 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Circles In my mind

It was dark. Cas could only hear sounds. *HONK HONK HONK* *CRASH* "CAS!!!" *SHATTER* _"I can't fight this feeling anymore"_ Then darkness. Pain, darkness and someone shouting "He's my husband! My husband is still in there!"......Confusion. He was speaking and no one would reply to him Where am I? What's happening? Where's Dean? DEAN!!! DEAN!!! "

***

Cas woke and sat bolt upright. He could hear someone screaming. He looked over and Dean had wrapped his arms around him. The screaming subsided. Dean was rocking him "Shhh. It's okay Cas. It's okay. I'm here. It's okay baby."

Cas throat felt raw. He asked Dean "Was someone shouting?"

Dean pulled back and looked at him. Concern was written plainly on his face. He took a step back "That was you Cas. I think you had a nightmare. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. You shouted out for me, so I just went on instinct."

Cas' heart was racing and he was having trouble regulating his breathing. He took a few slow deep breaths. When he trusted his voice not to quiver he asked "Could I get a glass of water?My throat is scratchy."

Dean nodded and poured him a glass from the pitcher beside the bed. He handed it to Cas. "Do you remember anything about this dream?"

Cas shook his head "Not really. Noises mostly. I heard a horn and breaking glass. A song was playing and someone was shouting my name. It didn't really make sense. Then I was in pain and it was dark. That's all I remember"

Dean sat back in his chair and ran a hand over his face. "That was the accident you were dreaming about. I was the one shouting your name." Dean put his head in his hand's "I'm so sorry Cas. This is all my damn fault. I should have been paying more attention to the road."

Cas took another sip of water and inclined his head "Unless you deliberately stopped in oncoming traffic I can't see how being sideswiped was your fault. Unless the doctors were wrong about what happened in the accident."

Dean shook his head. He scrubbed his hands over his face and looked at Cas "No, that's what happened. I just keep thinking I could have prevented this somehow."

Cas cocked his head "Do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

Cas raised his eyebrow "Take the weight of the world on your shoulders? You aren't a god Dean. You don't have lightning fast reflexes and omnipotence to know everything that is going to occur before it ever happens. There is a reason accidents are called 'accidents' because no one did it on purpose."

Dean shrugged "I'm supposed to be comforting you and here you are trying to make me feel better."

Cas tried changing the subject "Do you know what the song was that I heard in my dream?"

Dean half smiled "I could guess. It's probably "I can't fight this feeling" by REO Speedwagon."

Cas half laughed "That's a pretty specific guess."

Dean shrugged "It's not so much a guess. It's what we were listening to when the truck hit us. I was trying to convince you it was our song, but you knew better" Dean smiled "You said it could be our back up."

Cas smiled and looked hard at Dean "I must have really loved you. I'm not a fan of REO Speedwagon"

Dean took a deep breath and sighed " I'd like to think you did. We were happy, mostly. I mean we had our disagreements like most couples, but on the whole, we were happy"

Cas nodded. He asked "What was our song? our real one?"

Dean furrowed his brow "I'm not sure you would know it now. I can play it for you on my phone if you want?"

"Yes, please. I'd like that"

Dean took out his phone and scrolled through his song's. He hit play and set the phone between them on the side table so they could both hear it. When the song started Dean closed his eyes.

 

 

  
_**The book of love is long and boring** _  
_**No one can lift the damn thing** _  
_**It's full of charts and facts, some figures and instructions for dancing** _

_**But I,** _  
_**I love it when you read to me.** _  
_**And you,** _  
_**You can read me anything.** _

_**The book of love has music in it,** _  
_**In fact, that's where music comes from.** _  
_**Some of it is just transcendental,** _  
_**Some of it is just really dumb.** _

_**But I,** _  
_**I love it when you sing to me.** _  
_**And you,** _  
_**You can sing me anything.** _

_**The book of love is long and boring,** _  
_**And written very long ago.** _  
_**It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes,** _  
_**And things we're all too young to know.** _

_**But I,** _  
_**I love it when you give me things.** _  
_**And you,** _  
_**You ought to give me wedding rings.** _

_**And I,** _  
_**I love it when you give me things.** _  
_**And you,** _  
_**You ought to give me wedding rings.** _  
_**You ought to give me wedding rings.** _

 

The song ended and Cas sighed "Can you play it once more?"

Dean wiped the tears that had escaped from his eyes and cleared his throat "Uh. Yeah. Tell you what, you listen and I'll go and see if I can't find you some breakfast"

He got up to leave but Cas stopped him "Dean."

Dean took a breath trying to control the flow of tears and turned back around "Yeah Cas, you need something?"

Cas looked down and toyed with the sheet "You know, you don't have to run away every time it hurts. I understand, at least on a logical level why you would cry"

Dean shook his head and wiped some more tears from his cheek "There is no logic in it Cas. Logically, it's not your fault. I know this, I understand this. But.." His voice cracked "When I look at you and I know you don't feel the same way you did last week, last month, hell, five years ago on our wedding day. It hurts. I leave the room because it's not fair to you. You can't help it. I don't want to make you hurt because I love you" Dean turned to face away from Cas so he didn't see the tears falling that he couldn't control

Cas sighed "Okay Dean, breakfast sound's good. I guess I am hungry"

Dean nodded without turning around and left the room. Cas hit play on Dean's phone and listened to the song again. He almost wished he had just one memory. Something to tell him if or why he loved Dean. He still couldn't understand it. How did this man impact his life so differently that he ended up falling in love and marrying a man? Cas had figured out one thing, though, for whatever reason, He felt safe with Dean. He supposed that was at least one good thing since he would be going home with him today.

***

Dean walked into the chapel. He saw the old woman sitting in the front pew. "Hi, Yaya. It's early for you to be in here"

The old woman smiled "My husband. He is having extra.. how do you say?.. tests? They want to find out more"

Dean sat down beside her "You must be worried"

She patted his hand "I am fine. You look sad paidi', child. You see your man today?"

"Yeah. He still doesn't know me. I'm taking him home today and I'm afraid. What if he is scared of me?"

Yaya shook her head " Silly paidi'. He is no child. Just because he does no remember you, does no mean he ceases to be a man. You must do as I have said. Remind him why he loved you."

Dean smiled "I'll miss you Yaya. You are very wise."

She laughed "Oh. I am silly old woman. But you come back and find me if you need to talk. I am always here. My husband is no going home. This is our home now."

Dean hugged her "I will and thank you Yaya. I'll light a candle for your husband."

She patted his face "You are good boy"

***

Dean went and found the nurse and told them Cas was awake and was ready for breakfast. The nurse said she would bring him in a tray shortly. He walked back into Cas' room and stopped dead. His eyes narrowed "Naomi. I wasn't aware it was bitch week at the hospital. First Meg, now you."

Naomi stood with her back straight and her purse held perched under her arm. She glared at Dean "Dean. I wasn't aware they let your kind wander the halls unsupervised"

Dean scoffed "Was that a jab on my income bracket or my sexual orientation? It's so hard to decipher which prejudice you are specifically picking at. How did you even know to come here? I sure as fuck didn't call you."

Naomi looked down her nose at him "Of course you didn't. Why would it occur to you to call me when my son was in the hospital? Meg called me."

Dean walked past her and sat next to Cas. Cas looked at the two of them but stayed quiet. He found he learned a lot by not immediately speaking. Dean turned back toward Naomi "I see. So Meg called you and told you Cas had forgotten all about me and you thought Hallelujah he's cured of being gay. Is that it?"

Naomi rolled her eyes "Castiel, how are you feeling?"

Cas sat up a little bit in bed "I'm fine, mother." he looked at Dean "Refresh my memory when was the last time I saw my mother?"

Dean grinned smugly at Naomi before he said to Cas "That would have been...oh...I wanna say about six years ago? Right around the time, you told her you were in love with me."

Cas took a deep breath and looked back to Naomi "Can you tell me why that is, mother?"

Naomi looked flustered "Well...I mean..Castiel.."

Dean glared "What's the matter, Naomi? Can't remember?"

She sighed dramatically "Oh for heaven's sake. Really Castiel, who are you going to listen to? This...Homosexual or your own mother?"

Cas' mouth fell open his eyes went wide "Did you honestly just say that mother? Look, I may not recall marrying Dean but I know that I did. So I take great offense to your statement. Call it a hunch but I'm going to guess that made me 'homosexual' too."

Naomi rolled her eyes "Oh you were not. You were just led astray by him. You were deceived, that's all"

Cas couldn't believe what he was hearing. He looked to Dean "Dean, did we have sex? You and me?"

Dean's eyes went wide for a second "Uh... yeah. Yes, we did."

Cas nodded "And about how often, would you say?"

Dean covered his grin with his hand " Pretty often. Not as often as I would have like but we had to sleep sometime" He winked at Cas

Cas looked at his mother unflinching "Yep. Suffice it to say, I was homosexual. I definitely had sex with a man. Would you say I enjoyed it, Dean?"

Dean put his head in his hand and chuckled "Uh, yeah Cas. I'd say it was a safe bet you enjoyed it"

"Well, there you go mother. I had sex with a man and enjoyed it. I think you had better go."

Dean got up "I'll walk you out"

He grabbed her by the elbow and walked her to the outside doors of the hospital before he let go. He turned on her "You show your face around him again and I will tell him what you said the last time you ever spoke to him. I left that out because no son should have to hear that his mother thinks he is an abomination, but I will tell him, Naomi"

She adjusted her coat and half smiled "I know that you hope Castiel will return to you. I only wish he felt the same way. My son is not gay Dean. Maybe he just needed a car accident to show him that. Good day."

She tilted her chin up and walked out of the hospital. Dean went back into the room. Cas had his thinking face on, head slightly cocked to the side, eyebrow raised. Dean smiled "Whatcha thinking so hard about Cas?"

"Did I give up everyone for you?"

Well, thought Dean, that felt like a punch in the gut. He sat down heavily in the chair "I guess that depends, Cas. I always looked at it like, the one's who didn't matter gave up on you. But, yeah, you lost a few people when you came out"

"Came out?"

"When you told them you were bisexual and in love with a man"

Cas rubbed his bottom lip thinking. Dean held his breath afraid of what was going on in Cas' mind. Finally, Cas turned his blue eyes on Dean "I must have loved you very much. It sound's like I fought quite a war to keep you."

Dean exhaled "Yes you did. Quite a war indeed but you will be happy to know, there were very few casualties" Dean grinned

Cas laughed "That's good news, Dean. You should probably just give me the list, it will make these encounters less likely to keep happening"

Dean held up his finger's and ticked them off while he named names "The short list? Meg, Michael, Your mom, and your older brother Luke."

"What about my dad? and my brother Gabriel?"

Dean smiled "I'd say their Team Cas. After your falling out with your mom, your dad left her. Gabriel hasn't spoken to her or Luke in years. They were both at our wedding. In fact, I would guess they would be here but they are currently on a single's cruise. Gabe kind of forced your dad to go with him."

Cas laughed "Good for him. At least they won't have to worry till they return."

Doctor Carver came in the room "Castiel, how are you feeling today?"

Cas talked to the doctor for a bit. He explained about the nightmare and how he had had dreams but couldn't remember them. The doctor said that was to be expected. It was Cas' brain's way of trying to find the lost memories. The doctor said Cas' ribs looked good but he would have to keep the cast on his leg for another couple weeks. He then signed his discharge papers and told Cas he was free to go whenever he was ready. Dean helped him dress. The nurses insisted he leave in a wheelchair even though he was given crutches. Before long he was sitting in a black 1967 Impala and heading 'home'.

Dean brushed his finger's over the top of Cas' hand and said "It's going to be okay. You'll see."

Cas just nodded and looked out the window, he wished he could believe that.

 

 

 

 

 


	5. On a cold, dark winters night

Sam was waiting at the house when they got there. He rushed over and hugged Cas. Cas' arms stayed by his side. He glanced over at Dean for help. Sam said "I'm glad your okay Cas. Uh...this is the part where you hug back"

Cas reached up and gently patted Sam's back. Dean told Sam "Alright Sammy lay off. You're making him uncomfortable"

Sam stepped back "Oh. Right, of course. I'm sorry Cas, I forgot you don't know us."

Cas crossed his arms over his chest and rubbed one arm with his hand "It's alright. Who are you?"

"Oh. I'm Sam. Dean's brother. Your brother-in-law. I was just taking off, I just wanted to see for myself that you were okay."

Sam hugged Dean and left. Cas was left standing in the entrance way of a house he had no recollection of ever living in. He was alone with a man who he had no memories of but was still his husband. Dean clapped his hands together "Okay. Let me give you the tour. Let me know if anything comes back to you."

He led Cas into a small room. It had a desk and some book shelves. On the desk was a computer, some stacks of paper and art supplies. The curtains were open letting in plenty of natural light from the large bay window. Under the window was a large ledge with a cushion and throw pillows on it. Dean said "This is your office. You like to sit in the window there when your thinking"

Cas ran his hands over the desk "What do I do for a living?"

Dean pulled a book off the shelf he handed it to Cas "You're a writer. Mostly children's books but you keep saying you're going to write a novel someday" Dean smiled.

Cas looked at the book it was titled  _The Secret Life Of Honey Bee's_ Inside was illustrated to look like different water color painting's depicting Bee's in their day to day life. Their jobs and 'home life'. Cas thought it was really cute. He couldn't believe he was the one to create it though since it seemed completely foreign to him. "Who illustrated the book? It doesn't say."

Dean's voice held pride "You did Cas. You're actually a pretty amazing artist. "

Cas set the book on the desk. He looked up at Dean giving the non-verbal cue to carry on the tour. Dean walked him through another door and Cas' breath caught in his throat. It was a library. Huge floor to ceiling oak bookcases lined the walls. There was a large coffee table in the center. There were a dark blue, plush love seat and two black leather wing back chairs surrounding the table. There was one large window with thick deep blue drapes. Cas walked along the shelves running his hand's over all the books. He said reverently "This is beautiful. The shelves are gorgeous too. I can't imagine this was cheap."

Dean leaned on the back of the love seat "Actually. You would be surprised. I make and restore furniture. So this library was more a labor of love. It was your anniversary gift two years ago.  

Cas turned wide eyes at Dean "You built me a library?"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck "Well, Yeah. You have always loved books. I figured since we got married in the Boston library, this would be a good anniversary gift"

Cas was shocked and touched "You married me, in the Boston library? That's....well...that's amazing Dean"

Dean walked Cas through the rest of the house. Showing him the kitchen and guest bathroom downstairs. He told him through the door in the kitchen you could reach the basement which was Dean's workshop. He took him upstairs to see the three rooms and bathroom. He walked first into the master bedroom. It was done up in browns and golds. Dean informed him "All of the decorating was your deal. I'm not real good at that. You said our room reminded you of Autumn." 

Cas smiled "It does. I was just thinking that. Like an Autumn sunset."

Dean smiled back "Yes. Exactly what you said. Here's the master bath"

Cas walked in the counter's were done in a gray speckled marble. The floor was tiled with the same basic marbling. There was a large Jacuzzi tub and a separate shower stall that had four large shower heads pointed inward. There was a stack of black and gray towels on a little shelf over the toilet. The counter had two sinks set into it and a large mirror covered the wall behind the counter. "This is one hell of a bathroom Dean," Cas said in awe.

Dean leaned against the door jam "What can I say, we love our shower's and bath's" He smiled and led Cas out of the room. Dean had started to pass a small room when Cas looked in.The room was empty but there was a light yellow carpet and the walls were a sunshine yellow with Winnie the pooh characters painted on it. Cas' face was perplexed "Was this a nursery?

Dean blew out a breath "Yeah. I wasn't gonna show you that. We uh...We were supposed to get a baby but the girl pulled out at the end. She decided to keep the baby. We didn't take it real well. That was last year. I can't bring myself to paint over your pictures. I guess we just sort of closed the door and tried to not think about it."

"Did we ever try again?"

Dean sighed "No. I think it just hurt too much. I'm not sure either of us was ready to go through that again"

Dean stepped out and closed the door. He led Cas to a third bathroom that was small with a regular tub/shower. It was done in simple off-white and cream color scheme. Then he showed him another room "This is the guest room. You can sleep in here for the time being. Unless you want the master and I can stay in here"

Cas looked around the small room. The bed was a double and seemed comfortable. There were a plush emerald green chair and a small table with a lamp in one corner. The bed was made up with a hunter green comforter and dark brown sheets. There were throw pillows in lime, avocado and kelly green. The carpet was a chocolate brown and the curtains were light and colored with a swirling pattern of greens and brown. Cas laughed "Let me guess, springtime?"

Dean shrugged and grinned "You liked your seasons"

Cas looked around once more "I can stay in here. It's nice."

They went down the back stairway which was made of rod iron and swirled down into a large living room with a fireplace. There was a border of ivy and holly berries painted across the top of the wall. The carpet was white and plush. There was a large sectional couch in the center of the room. It was a deep red. The coffee table was pine and held a glass bowl with red and green beads in it. A few Norman Rockwell painting adorned the walls. White and evergreen throw pillows in various shapes were tossed on the couch. There was a large shelf holding tons of Dvd's and a flat screen television hung above the fireplace. Dean smiled at Cas "It's Christmas themed"

Cas was grinning "I can see that." He walked over to the mantle. There were pictures in frames. One of a whole family, Cas assumed. They were all standing in front of this fireplace and grinning. Cas had his arm around a blonde girl and his other arm around Dean. He looked happy. There was a picture of him and Dean in black tuxes and he was kissing Dean's cheek. Dean was holding up his left hand showing his wedding ring and grinning like a fool. There was one picture of him, Dean and Sam laughing reclining on the Impala. He saw a professional looking photo of him and Dean. Dean had his arms draped over Cas' shoulders and Cas head was slightly back leaning into Dean's embrace. Cas turned back to Dean "Okay. So where is summer?"

Dean laughed "I don't think you were particularly fond of summer. You complained it was too hot. So, no summer room. Come on, you must be starved, I'll make us some lunch"

***

After lunch Dean left Cas to wander the house or rest, whatever he wanted. Dean went down into the basement. After a while, Cas hobbled down the step's of the basement to see what Dean was up to. Dean had taken his shirt off and he was peeling off a layer of paint on an antique hutch. As Cas approached him, he noticed Dean had numerous cuts and gouges on his back. Dean sat up from his work when he saw Cas "Hey you, you get bored up there?" Dean teased

Cas walked closer and touched Dean's back "What happened here?"

Dean didn't look at Cas "It's from the accident. The glass shattered"

Cas thought that was odd "But the truck hit my side of the car. How did you end up all scratched up and I didn't?"

Dean took a breath and blew it out "I pulled you to me and covered your body with mine. So, the glass covered my back and neck, not yours"

Cas slid his hand over the marks. Dean had protected him even though he caused himself more pain to do it. Dean inhaled and closed his eyes "Cas, you might not want to keep doing that."

Cas cocked his head "Why? Does it hurt?"

Dean massaged his forehead "No. It doesn't hurt but, Cas, I...You don't feel the things I do. You touching me..."

Cas understood he pulled his hand away quickly "oh! I'm sorry. I didn't think."

Dean let out a shaky breath "It's okay Cas. Not your fault."

Cas left Dean alone to do his work.

***

Dean came up from his workshop a few hours later. He found Cas in the library. He was sitting on top of the large coffee table. He had a box of pictures spread out all over it and photo albums placed haphazardly around the perimeter. Dean came over "Hey Cas, what are you doing?"

Cas looked up, his eyes wide "A whole life Dean. I am looking at a whole life we have shared. I don't recall any of it. Not one picture. Not one day" Cas' eyes teared up "None of this looks familiar at all. I don't know who I am. Do you have any idea what that feels like?"

Dean sat on the love seat "No, I don't know what that feels like. I'm trying to empathize as much as I can, but I can't truly _know_ what that's like."

Cas put his hand over his mouth and started to cry. "Everything is different. Just when you think your starting to understand, it turns out you didn't know anything at all."

Dean reached out and took Cas hand "You know what you always said to me? You said life was a series of questions to be answered with yet another question. So maybe, worst case scenario, you don't get these memories back. We'll make new ones."

Cas nodded and wiped his face. He stood up. "I think I'll just go lay down. It's been a long day"

Dean helped him up the stairs and when Cas closed his door Dean was relieved when he didn't hear the lock turn.

Dean looked at the closed door and whispered "I swear baby, we'll get through this"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. You give my life direction

When Cas woke up he noticed an envelope had been slipped under his door. He also saw a black leather wallet and a cell phone. He opened the envelope and there was a note inside from Dean.

_Good morning Cas, Coffee is brewed. You have flavored creamer in the door of the fridge. There are bagels in the pantry and cream cheese in the fridge. Your favorite is the strawberry one but don't take my word for it. At noon call this number (617) 522-4000 and take a cab to City Square Park Boston, MA 02129. Sit on the bench surrounding the large fountain. ~ Dean_

Cas shook his head and smiled. He picked up the wallet and opened it. It was his wallet. His driver's license was in the main pocket and he had about $200 in cash. He then swiped the cell phone screen and saw a picture of him and Dean. He was grateful to Dean for giving him the wallet and cell so he felt like he had something of his own. He went downstairs and poured a cup of coffee adding the caramel flavored creamer to it. He toasted a bagel and spread strawberry cream cheese on it. Dean was right, it was delicious. He noticed a sticky note on the fridge it said

**Use the shower in the master bath. You'll thank me. ~D**

Cas went into the master bedroom and saw another sticky note. He laughed as he read it

**"This is your closet. You will find all your clothes weirdly color coded, I didn't do it. You are just that weird. You are welcome to wear anything of mine if you find you hate your own clothes :) You will find socks and underwear in the top drawer of the dresser ~ D**

Cas pulled out a pair of basketball pants that had snaps down the side. He figured those would work best with his cast. He grabbed a blue t-shirt and socks and underwear and took everything into the bathroom with him. As he stepped into the shower he sighed appreciatively. He had to keep one leg out of the shower because of his cast but it was still amazing. On the bathroom mirror was another note

**The blue toothbrush is your's and the toothpaste is in the medicine cabinet above the toilet. You will also find your silver razor in there and shaving gel. ~D**

Cas brushed his teeth and shaved then got dressed. Looking at his watch he had enough time to straighten up the bathroom and go put all the pictures he took out last night back in their box. He then took out his cell phone and called the cab. He brought his crutches along so he wasn't walking directly on the cast and sat down on the bench. It was a beautiful spring day. Cas sighed peacefully and just enjoyed the silence. A little while later he saw Dean jogging up the path. He was wearing black basketball pants and a white tank top. He had headphones in. As he approached the bench he stopped to catch his breath. He took the head phone's off and draped them over his neck. He smiled at Cas "Hi, I'm Dean" 

Dean extended his hand. Ca thought that was odd but he would play along. He shook Dean's hand. A warm tingle spread up his arm. His eyes came up and he realized Dean's eyes were stunning when the sun hit them and his hair had flecks of blonde and red in it. Cas smiled "I'm Castiel"

Dean grinned fully "Castiel? Can I call you Cas?"

Cas chuckled "Sure. What are you doing?"

Dean put a leg up on the bench and stretched it "Oh I was just out for a jog and I saw you sitting over here all alone" He switched legs and stretched "I thought I would come over and say hi." Putting his feet back on the ground he raised an eyebrow "Can I buy you a drink Cas?"

Cas figured it out. Dean was re-meeting him. It made something warm spread through his body. He tilted his head "You know, I think I'd like that Dean"

Dean's smile widened "Cool. Is it okay if we take my car?"

Cas shrugged "I came here in a cab so your car would be best"

Dean helped him stand with his crutches and they begin walking toward his car "So what happened to your leg?" Dean asked as if he didn't know

Cas decided to stop guessing at this game and pretend he really was just meeting Dean. "I was in a car accident last week"

Dean shook his head "That sucks. I'm glad you're okay. Nothing else injured was it?

Cas laughed. Dean was flirting with him "No, just some bruised ribs and my leg"

They reached the car and Dean helped him into the passenger seat. He tossed the crutches in the back and got in. Cas smoothed his hand over the dash. "Beautiful car"

Dean beamed "Thank's. She's my baby. When my dad passed my mom didn't have a use for her, so I got her. I have loved her my whole life."

Cas nodded "I'm sorry about your dad"

Dean pulled out of the parking space "Oh. That was nearly a decade ago. I am long past grief. So I know a little place that makes the best margaritas. You don't have a strawberry allergy or anything do you?"

Cas shook his head "Nope. I love strawberries."

Dean pulled onto the main road "Good, you'll love these then."

***

Dean did most of the talking while they had their drinks. He told Cas how he had always had a fascination with antiques, all the history each piece held. So, he got into restoring old piece's so they could go on to collect more history. He talked about the urge to create his own history, so he began designing and making furniture himself. He asked Cas about his hopes and dreams. Cas admitted he had always secretly wanted to be a writer. He even took a creative writing course at the community college but he mostly ended up taking catering jobs because he was good at cooking. He told Dean how he used to sneak into his kitchen in the mansion he grew up in. He spoke fondly of the heavy set African American woman Cheri who used to sit him on the counter and let him watch her make the meals for his family. She would always hand him a cookie and quickly shoo him away if his mother started to come in the kitchen. Cas had a really nice time. Dean ended up dropping him off at the house. Before he went inside Dean placed a hand on his arm "I had a nice time. Would you like to go on a date with me? I have Friday open."

Cas took a deep breath "Sure, why not. What time Friday? Does 7:00 work for you?"

Dean smiled "7:00 sounds perfect. It was nice meeting you Cas." He leaned over and placed a delicate kiss on Cas' cheek.

Cas blushed a little and got out of the car. He watched Dean pull away and thought how odd that man was. Cas went inside and he touched his hand to his cheek. He had met Dean and now he had little butterflies in his stomach about their date on Friday. Cas smiled softly Dean was pretty remarkable.

***

Cas was in his room when Dean got home. He called out "Hey Cas, are you here?"

Cas came out of his room. Dean was carrying a pizza box and a six-pack of beers. "I wasn't sure if you had eaten yet so I picked up a pizza, how was your day?"

Cas chuckled and ran a hand through his hair "It was nice. I met a guy."

Dean handed Cas a beer "No shit, really? I didn't know you were into guys Cas." 

Cas took a drink of his beer and sat down at the table. Dean brought over the pizza box and a stack of napkins. Cas shrugged "I might be. He was pretty nice. He asked me on a date."

Dean's eyes sparkled as he took a bite of his pizza "Did he, what did you say?"

Cas finished his bite and swallowed "I said yes. What the hell right? You never know unless you try"

Dean clanked his beer against Cas' "Truer words were never spoken Cas"

After dinner, they hung out in the living room and watched two movies. They were new to Cas. Die hard with a vengeance and Joss Whedon's version of Much ado about nothing. Dean fell asleep halfway through the second movie. Cas quietly got up, took the empty beer bottle from Dean's hand and shifted his body to lay across the couch. He pulled the green afghan from the back of the couch and covered Dean up. He went into the master bedroom and found a pair of sweats that he could pull over his cast. He changed into those and then went to the guest room to sleep.

***

Cas sat in the nursery. His head leaning against the wall. He looked around at all the paintings. The toys and furniture packed in boxes were set aside in one corner. Cas held a soft Winney the pooh in his hands and cried. He hugged the teddy bear to his chest. Dean came in and sat down next to him. "I'm sorry, baby. I wish I could fix this."

Cas laid his head on Dean's shoulder "It's not your fault. I just really wanted this baby."

Dean kissed him on the top of the head and ran his hands through his hair "I did too. Maybe we can try again. There are a lot of babies that need a home"

Cas cut him off "No. I don't wanna do this again. I can't Dean."

Dean wrapped his arms tightly around Cas. He let the tears fall "Okay Cas if that's what you want. Come on, let's go to bed. It's not good for you to keep sitting in here"

Cas shook his head "Not yet. Give me a few more minutes...to say goodbye"

Dean closed his eyes and tears fell "Okay baby, just a few more minutes. Then we close this door and we don't come back in here. Okay?"

Cas nodded "Okay." He curled his body around the Winney the pooh and sobbed. 

***

Cas woke up. His lips were trembling. He brushed his hand over his cheek and it was wet. What had he been dreaming of? All he could recall was a stuffed animal. He took a few deep breaths, wiped away his tears and tried to fall back asleep.

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. I've Forgotten What I Started Fighting For

The next morning Cas was eating breakfast with Dean. He pushed his egg's around on his plate with his fork absentmindedly. He heard Dean's fork clank on his plate and looked up. Dean was watching him. "What's up Cas? I know you have something on your mind."

Cas furrowed his brow " Did I have a... stuffed animal? Like, A yellow bear?"

Dean picked up his fork and continued eating not looking at Cas "Uh, yea. You don't have it anymore. You got rid of it"

"Oh. Okay. But.. what's the significance? I mean, why would I remember just that?"

Dean got up and put his plate in the sink "Just let it go Cas. It's not important."

Dean left the kitchen. Cas finished his breakfast but wondered what would make Dean react like that. Normally any time Cas recalled anything Dean would fill him in, to the best of his knowledge. Cas decided to do as Dean said and let it go. 

***

Dean left the kitchen and went into his room. He closed the door and sat down on the bed. He scrubbed his face with his hands. _"Dammit. Why does Cas keep recalling the bad memories? I just want him to remember the good. "_ Dean puzzled over the problem and decided he knew what he would do on his date with Cas. He just needed to remind him about the good part's in their life together. He hoped it would work.

***

Around lunch time Dean was in his basement and Cas was in his office reading the children's books that he supposedly wrote. The doorbell rang. Cas looked around, unsure what to do. Dean obviously didn't hear the door since he was in the basement. The doorbell rang again and Cas went to answer it. When he opened the door he was pleasantly surprised to see his brother Gabe and his dad. Gabe hugged him and came inside. His dad followed close behind shutting the door behind him. "Cassie. We return triumphant! Dad met a girl and when I say 'girl' I mean it. She's like 25. But, I am not judging, good for dad."

Cas' dad put his hand's in his pockets "Well, she was nice. I have her phone number. Her name is Becky. So.. changing the subject, where's that son in law of mine?"

Cas was confused. It was strange seeing his dad with salt and pepper smattering in his hair and beard. Gabriel looked older too. "Um... do you mean Dean?"

Cas' dad put his hand on his shoulder "Yes unless you got re-married while I was away" He laughed at his own joke

"He's in the basement. I can get him"

Gabe shook his head "Naw, I'll get him, Cassie. Then you can let us know what the hell happened to your leg. We'll meet you in the library"

Cas agreed and walked with his dad to the library. When they got there his dad went over to one case and pulled a book. The shelf opened to reveal a mini-bar. _"I didn't know that was there._ " Thought Cas. His dad poured himself a glass of scotch on the rocks.

He gestured to the bar "You want something Castiel?"

Cas shook his head no and sat in one of the wingback chairs. 

His dad came over and sat on the love seat. "You're awful quiet today. Anything on your mind?"

Dean and Gabe came in the room at that point. Dean shook his head and laughed "Straight to the bar huh Chuck?"

Chuck laughed "Hey, I'm on vacation still until tomorrow."

He stood up and hugged Dean. He sat back down and Gabe sat next to him. Dean took the other wingback. He sighed "Okay. So, we have some stuff we need to tell you guys. Cas and I got in a car accident last week."

They both looked concerned Gabe said "Nothing serious happened though right? You both look mostly intact. Except for Cassie's leg"

Dean looked over at Cas, Cas gave him the go ahead hand gesture. Dean's face looked pinched. He continued "Well, The thing is...Cas has some memory loss. The doctor's say his memories might come back, but we don't know"

Chuck leaned forward and put his hand on Cas "How much is 'some' ?"

Cas inhaled then exhaled slowly "I can't recall anything about the last 7 years. I don't even know Dean. I Just found out mom's a judgemental bitch and Meg cheated on me."

Gabe ran his hand over his face "Fuck. Doesn't that just suck right down to the marrow? How you holdin' up?"

Cas crossed his arms over his chest "I'm uh...I'm alright. All things considered. Dean has been really patient and understanding. Truthfully, I'm more worried about him."

Dean stood up and went to the bar. He poured himself a jack and coke. "I'm alright. I'm just trying to help get Cas back, you know?"

Chuck set down his drink and got up and hugged Cas "We'll figure this out, son. Don't you worry"

Gabe interjected "Dad, lay off. He's not six, you're smothering him." 

Chuck let Cas go and sat back down "Sorry. It's just... How can you not remember Dean? He changed your whole life."

Dean handed his drink to Cas. Cas took a large swig of it and coughed slightly "I'm beginning to see that dad. It doesn't make anything better, though. I am just trying to move forward and hope something comes back."

Gabe leaned his elbows on his knee's " Alright buddy. Just give Dean a chance okay? I promise you, you loved the hell out of this guy. I'm sure it's in there somewhere"

Dean nodded "Just like riding a bike."

Cas wanted to believe them. He wanted to just have faith that everything would work itself out. He just didn't know how to find that faith. It helped to see Gabriel and his dad. Familiar faces who told him what all the picture's had said. He loved Dean. Cas wished he could feel it. They talked a little while more and they stayed for lunch. Cas heard all about their cruise and dad's new 'friend' Becky. Gabe reminded Cas that he had a reading at the children's library for his new book tomorrow. Gabe apparently was also Cas' agent. He told Cas he didn't have to do it, " .that they could cancel if he wanted. Cas said no, he would do it, he just needed to know what book it was so he could read it ahead of time. Gabe took him into his office and opened a box that was sitting on the floor. He pulled out the hardbound book. The cover had a little angel on it with black wings and he was carrying a little boy in a leather jacket. The title was _The little angel who fell for love._ Gabe told him it was really important to him. The book had gotten mixed reviews when they published it because both the angel and the boy were male. But the LGBT community jumped all over that bandwagon and now his book was a 'must read.' Cas said goodbye to Gabe and his dad. Gabe said he would send him the address and time for the reading tomorrow.

After they left Cas sat down in his office to read the book. It was about a little-lost boy who had lost his parent's. The angel saw him playing alone in the park, crying. The angel sat beside him and dried his tears. As the boy grew up, the angel fell in love with him. One day the boy (who was now a man) leaned over and kissed the angel. The angel became a ball of light and when the light cleared he was a man too. The angel explained to the man that he had given up being an angel so he could stay on earth with the man he loved. And they lived happily ever after. Cas had tears in eyes when he finished reading it. It really was a sweet story. 

Dean had come in while he was reading it and leaned against the door jam "It's about us. You wrote it originally because you wanted little boys and girls to know it was okay to love whoever you chose. I think you were trying to make sure no one went through the angst you did about being gay or bi."

Cas set the book in the box with the others "It's a nice story. Wish I could remember it."

Dean looked down "Me too Cas, but you will. Give it time."

***

 The next day Dean drove Cas to the children's library. There were parents and kids sitting everywhere in the reading section. The library had set up a booth for people to buy the book and for Cas to give autographs. Dean brought in the boxes of books and set them behind the booth for selling. Cas was nervous. He hoped he wouldn't mess up the story. He walked up to the podium and the children settled down to listen. Cas opened the book and read the dedication to himself. It said:

**_To D. You are my inspiration and the love of my life. Thank you for showing me dreams come true._ **

Cas looked over the heads of the kids. Dean was watching him and smiling. Cas smiled at Dean and begin his story. When he finished, the children all clapped. One little girl raised her hand. She stood up and asked "Are you the angel in the story? It looks like you."

Cas looked over at Dean "Maybe I am." he smiled.

He signed autographs and was told by a few people he was an inspiration. He was tired by the time they left. They had sold 50 copies that day and donated 10 to the library. Dean put the rest of the books in the trunk and Cas got in. Dean got in and put his hand on Cas' thigh.

***flash***

Cas was sitting in the car and Dean leaned over and kissed him. "Time to start the rest of our lives Cas."

 

Cas shook his head to clear it. He looked over at Dean who looked worried "You okay Cas? What's wrong?"

Cas touched his finger's to his lips and he had tears in his eyes when he looked at Dean "I had a memory." he laughed "I remember you. Just a little, but I remembered you."

Dean's eyes were hopeful "What did you recall Cas?"

Cas smiled a half smile "We were in the car and you kissed me and told me it was time to start the rest of our lives"

Dean took a shaky breath "That was our wedding day"

He leaned over and hugged Cas. Cas let himself be hugged and tried to hold onto the way it felt in his heart when Dean kissed him.  Dean was in a good mood. He buckled his seat belt and turned on the radio. Cas decided he liked the way Dean smiled. He didn't get to see it often because he was worried about Cas. Cas found he was anxious for their date tomorrow. 

 ***

That night as Cas slept he dreamed

Him and Dean were walking arm in arm. Dean had draped his arm over Cas'. they were both pretty drunk. "Casss" Dean slurred "Yoou look bootiful in the moonlight"

He ran his hand clumsily over Cas' face. Cas laughed and pushed Dean's hand away he slurred out "You sir is drunk. We need a... yellow thing...with wheels...Cab. Thazz it. We need a cab"

Dean pushed Cas against a wall "noooo, I need a kiss. I wanna kiss your whole face"

Dean leaned in and kissed Cas' nose and cheeks. Cas moved his mouth and kissed Dean. He started to slip down the wall. Dean pulled him back up laughing. "Okay...youz right... we need a cab" they laughed and headed for the street.

***

Cas woke up and smiled. He didn't know why but he was in a good mood. He got out of bed and hobbled to the master bedroom. He snuck by Dean who was still asleep and took a shower. He came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He tried to open his closet quietly. He heard an intake of breath and turned. Dean was lying in his bed and his eyes were riveted on Cas. Cas tightened the towel around his waist "oh. Sorry. I thought you were asleep."

Dean quickly looked down. He slid out of bed and held the pillow in front of his body. "I'll just...um...I'll go make coffee" he backed out of the room. He hit his back on the door jam and continued out the door with a sheepish grin. He shut the door behind him. Cas continued getting dressed.

***

Dean dropped the pillow once he had closed the door. He hadn't expected to open his eyes and see his husband standing there. His hair still wet, wearing just a towel. Dean was immediately aroused. He figured the last thing Cas needed was to see how easily Dean got hard looking at him. God he missed Cas. He missed the way he felt underneath him. The smoothness of his body under Dean's calloused hands. The way he would smile when he flirted with him. It was amazing to Dean that he could be so close and yet so far away from him. He headed down stairs to make coffee.

***

Left alone in the room that Dean and he used to share, Cas couldn't help but snoop around. He walked over to the chair and lifted Dean's heavy leather jacket. He smelled it. It really did remind him of old books. He opened Dean's closet. Unlike his closet, there was no rhyme or reason to the way Dean's clothes were hung up. He had mostly jeans and t-shirts. He had exactly two pairs of shoes at the foot of his closet. One pair of tennis shoes and one pair of black work-style boots. Cas went to the nightstand. He opened it and found two books and a pair of reading glasses. He slipped them on and was surprised when the words in the book became clearer. " _Oh, guess I wear reading glasses now_ ", he thought. He went over to the other side of the bed and opened the drawer. His eyes went wide. There were a couple bottles of flavored lubricant. A couple different sex toys. Some gay porn DVD's and..." _what's this?_ " Thought Cas. He pulled out a pair of leather hand shackles and a blindfold. _"I guess we were kinky"_ He replaced everything in the drawer and shut it.

Downstairs he sat at the kitchen table drinking his coffee. Dean was doing the same. Cas said, "So... which one of us had the penchant for being tied up and blindfolded?"

Dean choked on his coffee. *cough, cough, cough* "What?" *cough cough* "What did you say?" Dean pounded on his chest trying to clear his windpipe.

Cas shrugged drinking his coffee "I happened upon the sex drawer. I was just curious."

Dean rubbed his hand across his mouth "Uh... alright. Guess we're talking about this."

"If it makes you uncomfortable, we don't have to"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck "No Cas. It's fine. I guess... I guess that would be me. You're um... You tended to be more... dominant?"

Cas' eyes were very focused on Dean. He had found himself studying Dean when he wasn't watching. "And you, you liked this?"

Dean leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He ran his hand's over his head. "Mmmm. Yeah, Cas. I liked it. I liked it a lot."

Cas cocked his head to the side "Do you miss it? "

Dean exhaled and clapped his hands together "Okay. Sharing time is over. I'm gonna go take a shower."

Dean hurried out of the room. Cas worried his bottom lip, thinking.

***

Dean talked to himself as he got undressed. "Do I miss it? What was I supposed to say to that? Yea Cas, I miss you binding my hands and whispering dirty talk in my ear while you fuck me? Yeah, that would have gone over well. Why even ask that? He doesn't even remember being gay. Maybe he... No, that's too much to hope."

Dean got in the shower. He let his hand drift down and stroke himself. He imagined Cas' blue eyes boring into him. He closed his eyes hearing Cas' words in his mind _"You like that baby? You like being able to only feel me. You can't see where I'm coming from, all you can do is feel me._ " Dean's breathing increased. He rested his hand against the wall in the shower. He came whispering Cas' name. 

Dean got dressed and called the restaurant to make sure they were still able to reserve the stage area so Dean would have enough room to dance with Cas. He was taking him to the place where they had their first date. He hoped it would help bring back some memories for Cas. If not, he would be creating a new one, like Yaya said.

  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chibi Dean and Cas picture by photobucket.com/user/warriorcats92


	8. You Make Everything So Clear

After lunch Dean left again. He told Cas not to forget about his hot date at 7:00. Cas laughed and said he wouldn't forget. After Dean left he went into his office and pulled out some art supplies. He wanted to see if he really could paint the way his illustrations had depicted. He didn't have anything in mind. He just took out a sketchbook and a pencil and begin to draw. He added some color to the picture when he was done and shading for dimensions. When he was done he looked at his picture. He was certain he had drawn him and Dean. Dean had his face cupped in his hand and they were kissing on the love seat in the library. A game of chess forgotten on the side table. Cas was impressed with his work. he decided to take the picture with him and give it to Dean. Cas went to wash up and get ready for his date. 

                                                              

At 6:00 He called Gabe, frantic. "What do I wear on a date??"

Gabe laughed "Easy kid. What's the problem?"

Cas shouted into the speaker phone while he was pulling clothes out of his closet "I'm going on a date with Dean. I have no idea what to wear."

"Okay. This is not a crisis Cassie. Where is he taking you?"

Cas growled "I don't know! It's apparently a fucking surprise."

Gabe laughed again "Okay. Calm down. Deep breaths, don't hyperventilate. Wear a shirt that matches your eyes. He loves your eyes."

Cas yanked a blue button up off the hanger "Okay. Then what?"

"You don't wanna be too stuffy. So go with a nice pair of jeans. This is gonna seem weird but look at your ass in the mirror. If the jeans make it look round instead of flat, its a good pair of jeans."

Cas grabbed three pair's of jeans with legs wide enough to fit over his cast out of his closet "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard Gabe"

"Cassie, trust me on this. I know what guys like. In case you forgot, I happen to be one"

Cas sighed and pulled on the second pair of jeans. The first pair didn't make his ass look "round" enough. The jeans he had on looked good. They were a little tight but he guessed that was probably good. "Okay. what shoes do I wear?"

Gabe laughed "How should I know. I'm a dude. No one cares about what shoes you're wearing"

Cas yelled "Gabe! He's a gay male, he is going to care what shoes I'm wearing!"

"Naw. That's just a stereotype. Dean's not like that. Just wear your black boots."

Cas thanked Gabe and hung up. He put the button up on and liked the softness against his skin. He figured it was some kind of silk. He grabbed his black boots, the one's similar to Dean's and put the right one on. He couldn't wear both because his leg was in a cast. He was beginning to hate that damn thing. 

 ***

Dean showed up promptly at Seven. He knocked on the door. When Cas opened it, Dean handed him a gift bag. Cas thanked him and invited Dean in (which he thought was laughable, but it seemed important to Dean to play along) Cas opened the bag, inside was a leather bound photo album and a digital camera. Cas looked up at Dean a question in his eyes. Dean said "Those are so you can take pictures and put them in that album. Pictures that you remember taking." 

Cas smiled "Thank you, Dean. That's very sweet."

He set the bag on the table by the front door but grabbed the camera. Might as well start tonight. He raised the camera up and snapped a picture of Dean smiling. Definitely a picture he wanted to save. They got out to the car and Cas took a picture of the car too. It really was a beautiful car. On the drive, Cas asked Dean where they were going. Dean just smiled and said he would see soon enough.

They pulled up to a place called **The Beehive**. Cas liked the look of it. As they went in, the area they entered looked empty and some waiter's were removing tables leaving a large section of the floor opened. A man came up and shook Dean's hand. Dean introduced Cas to him and said he was the owner. Dean had apparently designed his daughter's princess castle bed and her favorite storybook was _The life of the HoneyBee._ Cas agreed to sign his copy for his daughter. When he left Dean smiled. He told Cas "We had our first date here. Tonight, we have our second 'First Date'."

Cas smiled. He loved the rustic feel of the place. They sat down and the waiter came out and filled their water glasses and gave them menus. Dean ordered an appetizer of BEEHIVE WEDGE SALAD with SUGAR SNAP PEAS, FRIED ONION, and BLUE CHEESE VINAIGRETTE DRESSING. He also ordered a bottle of wine from the year they were married. Dom. Rolet,"Coeur de Chardonnay" 2010,crémant du Jura, France. 

Cas couldn't decide if he wanted the CHICKEN MILANESE with HOTHOUSE TOMATOES, ARUGULA, PARMESAN, and LEMON CAPER SAUCE or the SWORDFISH PUTTANESCA with TOMATO, CAPERS, and OLIVE LINGUINE. Dean told him they would order them both and split them. The waiter was happy to bring two separate plates so they could split their meals.

Everything was delicious. They didn't talk much while they were eating. After they finished eating Dean ordered some coffee and PECAN & BLUEBERRY COFFEE CAKE WITH HONEY BUTTER for dessert.

When the dessert arrived Dean told Cas "We should let our stomachs settle before we eat dessert. You stay here, I have a surprise for you"

Cas just nodded and sipped his coffee. He was beginning to realize you couldn't guess what Dean would do next, you just went along for the ride. He heard music start to play over the sound system and Dean stepped out onto the stage with a microphone. He started to sing to Cas

 

 

  
**_I'm not surprised_ **  
**_Not everything lasts_ **  
**_I've broken my heart so many times,_ **  
**_I stopped keepin' track._ **

  
**_Talk myself in_ **  
**_I talk myself out_ **  
**_I get all worked up_ **  
**_Then I let myself down._ **

 

  
**_I tried so very hard not to lose it_ **  
**_I came up with a million excuses_ **  
**_I thought, I thought of every possibility_ **

 

  
**_And I know someday that it'll all turn out_ **  
**_You'll make me work so we can work to work it out_ **  
**_And I promise you kid, that I'll give so much more than I get_ **  
**_You just haven't met me yet_ **

 

Dean winked and Cas giggled

 

 

 

_**Mmm mmm mmm mmm mmm** _

 

  
_**I might have to wait** _  
_**I'll never give up** _  
_**I guess it's half timing** _  
_**And the other half's luck** _

  
_**Wherever you are** _  
_**Whenever it's right** _  
_**I'll come out of nowhere and into your life** _

He slid over and sat in the chair grabbing Cas' hand

 _**And I know that we can be so amazing** _  
_**And baby your love is gonna change me** _  
_**And now I can see every possibility** _

_**Mmm** _

Dean stood and flipped his chair around straddling it backwards, hands folded on the back of the chair

**But somehow I know that will all turn out**   
_And you'll make me work, so we can work, to work it out  _   
_And I promise you kid, to give so much more than I get  _   
_ you just haven't met me yet _

He stood and pushed the chair in and ran his hand down the side of Cas' face. .

_**They say all's fair** _

_**In love and war** _  
_**But I won't need to fight it** _  
_**We'll get it right** _  
_**And we'll be united** _

He took a step back and twirled around

 

 _**And I know that we can be so amazing** _  
_**And being in your life is gonna change me** _  
_**And now I can see every single possibility** _

_**Mmm** _

He took Cas' hand pulling him to standing. Cas couldn't quite dance but he still swayed in Dean's arms.

 _**And someday I know it'll all turnout** _  
_**And I'll work, to work it out** _  
_**Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get** _  
_**Then I get, than I get than I get** _

_**Oh you know it will all turn out** _  
_**And you'll make me work, so we can work, to work it out** _  
_**And I promise you kid, to give so much more than I get** _  
_**Yeah you just haven't met me yet** _

_**You just haven't met me yet** _

  
_**Oh promise you, kid** _  
_**To give so much more than I get** _

He sat Cas back down and kissed him on the cheek and walked back to the stage.

 _**I said love, love, love, love, love, love, love** _  
_**You just haven't met me yet** _  
_**Love, love, love, love, love, love** _  
_**You just haven't met me yet** _

 

Dean set the microphone back on its stand. Cas clapped and whistled. Dean did a little bow then came back over to the table. His face shining. He pulled his cake over to him and took a bite. "That one was a new memory for both of us" He winked

Cas started in on his cake "I liked it. Now I know you can sing" Cas winked back at Dean.

Dean was shocked when Cas flirted back. He was also elated. Dean told Cas they had rented out the whole restaurant for their joint bachelor party. Dean laughed telling the story "We got so drunk, we had to hold each other up. I remember I kept trying to kiss your whole face and every time you pushed me away we would both almost fall over." Dean was laughing so much it was making Cas laugh.

Cas laughed "What about our best men? Weren't they supposed to be watching us?"

Dean just laughed more, tears springing in his eyes "They couldn't find us. Sam and Gabe were so pissed. We had snuck out the back to make-out but we were too drunk so we took a cab home" Dean wiped the tears and laughed some more "Oh man, babe. They blew up our fucking phones. It was worth it, though. That was a good night"

Cas smiled and put his hand in Dean's "It sound's like it."

Dean squeezed his hand "You're lucky, though. I wish I could forget that damn hangover the next day" 

Cas knew he was trying to make him feel better for not being able to remember it. He let him believe it worked. Cas had taken tons of pictures. Pictures of their food and dessert and Dean singing, he didn't want to forget any of it. When they left the restaurant Cas held Dean's hand, it felt nice. Dean took him home and pulled into the driveway. He left the car running, to drop him off no doubt. Cas looked at Dean's lips for almost a full minute. He finally moved in and kissed Dean. Dean inhaled sharply and slid his hand into Cas' hair deepening the kiss. Warmth pooled in Cas' stomach and headed south. He pulled back and looked at Dean. He whispered, unsure of his voice "You could stay"

Dean inhaled deeply and blew it out. He cupped Cas' face with his hand "I'd better not. I don't want to ruin anything by doing something you're not ready for."

Cas kissed Dean's palm "We don't have to have sex. My roommate has a TV in his room. I saw it. I don't think he will be home tonight. We could just...cuddle and watch a movie?"

Dean's smile lit up the car. He shut off the engine. "Okay, Cas. I'll stay."

Cas smiled and got out of the car. He went inside and grabbed a movie he hadn't seen before called _The Fast and The Furious._ He figured there were hot guys and fast cars. Sounded like a good movie. Dean was waiting in the hall when Cas came back. He showed him the movie and Dean said it was one of his favorites.

Cas had to laugh when Dean asked if he thought his 'roommate' would mind if Dean borrowed some pajama pants. Cas said he thought it would be fine. Dean went to the bathroom to change and Cas quickly changed into a pair of pajamas and a t-shirt. He put the movie in and climbed into the large, devastatingly comfortable bed. When Dean came out Cas was certain he was attracted to him. He had on just a pair of flannel pajama pants and no shirt. Cas couldn't help his eyes wandering the expanse of exposed flesh. He swallowed and bit his lip. As Dean crawled into the bed beside him Cas' heart started to hammer in his chest. 

Dean touched Cas' arm and he almost jumped out of his skin. Dean tilted his head till he caught Cas' eyes "You look like a deer caught in the headlights. We're just watching a movie. I promise I'm not going to attack you."

Cas' breath was erratic "That's... That's not what I'm worried about" He wet his lips.

Dean lay on his side his elbow bent, resting his head in his hand "What is it then?"

 _"Oh. That is worse_ " Thought Cas. At the angle Dean was now laying in Cas could see his muscles in his arm flex and the overhead light illuminated his green eyes. Cas closed his eyes and said "Oh I am in trouble"

Dean moved closer to Cas and tilted his chin up. Cas' eyes snapped open at the physical contact. Dean had a half smile "Why are you in trouble Cas?"

Cas licked his bottom lip. His throat felt dry. "I... I think I'm... _attracted_ to you" He said 'attracted' like it was a dirty word.

Dean tried to hide the smile creeping up. He ran his thumb over his own mouth "Oh. Well, that's not really a bad thing. Is it?"

Cas put his head in his hands "I don't know. I guess not. How should I know?"

Dean scooted up on the bed and sat right next to Cas. He held Cas' hands and leaned in whispering into Cas' ear "We can find out. We keep our clothes on and just make-out. If you are attracted to me, you will like it. If you were wrong, you stop me. No harm, no foul."

He lightly brushed his lips over Cas' neck causing goose bumps to rise on Cas' skin. Cas turned his head and brushed his lips over Dean's. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pressed his lips more firmly against Cas'. Cas opened his mouth and Dean's tongue slid inside. He moaned. Cas lay back against the pillows and Dean's body followed. He ended up draped halfway across the length of Cas' body. He pulled back from the kiss. He looked down into Cas' eyes and ran his hand through his hair. "How're you doing?"

Cas breathed out "Yes. I am definitely attracted to you."

Dean continued to run his fingers through Cas' hair as he talked "Okay. Does that scare you?"

Cas closed his eyes "A little" he admitted

Dean kissed him on the forehead and backed up "Tell you what" He pulled Cas over to lay with his body curled, spooning against Dean. Dean hit play on the movie. "We're gonna lay here and watch this movie. Okay? And if one or both of us fall asleep, then so be it. Deal?"

Cas draped his arm over Dean's arm that was wrapped around his stomach "Deal. And Dean, In case I fall asleep, I had a really great night."

Dean kissed his head "I did too, Cas, Thank you"

***

Cas did end up falling asleep. He dreamed of the accident again. He woke up to Dean soothing him. He had pulled Cas against his body and wrapped his arm's around him. He rubbed Cas' back and whispered "Shhhh. It's okay, It's okay. I got you, you're okay."

Cas moved in closer to Dean. He inhaled the scent that was all Dean, it was somehow soothing to him. He drifted off to sleep hearing Dean's murmured soothing words. 

***

When Cas woke up the next morning he was facing Dean curled up into his chest. Dean had his leg flopped over Cas' legs and his arms were wrapped around Cas' body. Cas manage to extricate himself from Dean's body and got up to use the bathroom. When he came out he saw his jeans laying on the floor and remembered he had forgotten to give Dean the picture he drew. Cas leaned it against Dean's lamp on his nightstand and went downstairs to make coffee.

***

Cas had just poured his own cup of coffee. He was adding creamer when Dean came into the kitchen, with the picture in his hand. Dean set it on the counter and poured himself a cup of coffee. He then took the picture with him over to the table. He sat down across from Cas. "Hey, baby...I mean Cas"

Cas noticed Dean did that a lot. If he were tired or relaxed he would slip into calling him baby or babe. _"That must be what he normally called me"_. Cas thought. "What is it, Dean?"

Dean held up the picture "Did you draw this?"

Cas nodded "Yes, I signed it too, as you can see. I drew it for you."

Dean looked at the picture again "When did you draw it?"

Cas shrugged and took a sip of his coffee "Yesterday, before our date"

Dean stared at Cas. He held up the picture for Cas to see "Cas, this is a memory"

Cas cocked his head "Are you certain? I just started drawing."

Dean set it down between them "I'm positive. This was my old apartment, shortly after we got together. See this couch? It's the one in your library now. You even sketched the chess board."

Cas ran his hand over the drawing "Tell me about it. This day, what happened?"

Dean smiled as he looked at the picture "We had just played chess and you beat me, as usual. I said there were other things I was better at. You laughed and asked 'like what'. I pulled you over on the couch and kissed you and said like this"

Cas smiled and looked at Dean "You are very good at that"

Dean's eyes were wider than usual "No, Cas, don't you see? You drew a memory. That means they are in there somewhere. Remember that nurse gave you the dream journal? Maybe you need to draw in it instead of trying to write words."

Cas tilted his head "You think my memories are trapped in pictures?"

Dean shrugged "It would make sense, you are an artist."

Cas nodded "Okay. I'll try it. There is one other thing I wanted to discuss with you Dean"

"Go ahead, I'm all ears"

Cas set his mug down and squeezed Dean's hand "It's okay if you call me baby. You don't have to correct yourself each time."

Dean grinned "You sure you're okay with it?"

Cas nodded and continued drinking his coffee.

Dean got up "Okay. I'm going to go shower" he kissed Cas on the cheek "Thanks, baby" He picked up the picture Cas had drawn for him and stuck it on the fridge with a magnet. 

Cas smiled and shook his head. Then he got up and went into his office. He grabbed the art supplies and took them to his window seat. He was determined to get back as many memories as possible.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Dean sings to Cas is Called "Just haven't met you yet" by Michael Buble'
> 
> Image created by octopifer.tumblr.com


	9. Closer Then I Ever Thought I Might

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: slight sub/dom dirty talk

Cas looked at his drawing. It seemed pretty intimate. Is this really what he dreamed last night? It seemed vaguely familiar. He wasn't at all sure he wanted to show Dean, but if he didn't he wouldn't know if it was a memory. He took a deep breath and headed into the kitchen. Dean was already seated with his coffee, reading the paper. Cas fixed his cup of coffee, sat down, and slid the picture over to Dean.

 

Dean glanced down. He set down his coffee and picked up the sketch. He inhaled and exhaled slowly. His face softened and he gently ran his hand over the hands in the sketch. He asked Cas, without looking away from the photo "Did you remember this?"

Cas shrugged "I don't know. I dreamed it, I think. I can't really remember. I just know it feels familiar."

Dean continued to stare at the picture "This was the first time you told me you loved me. You can tell it is that day because the sheets are from my old twin bed. But the most telling is the hand print on my shoulder. You had gripped me so tight it left a bruise for like a week"

Dean half-laughed. He pulled up the sleeve on his shirt and showed Cas. He had a red outline of a hand on his shoulder. "I had it tattooed on before it faded, so I wouldn't forget."

Cas reached over and curled his hand around the tattoo. It fit perfectly. It was definitely his hand print on Dean's shoulder. Cas cleared his throat and sat back down. He looked at the picture again. "We were.... making love?"

Dean closed his eyes. Cas noticed Dean did that when something brought up emotions in him, usually painful ones. It was as if, if he closed his eyes he could block out the pain. Dean nodded. His voice just above a whisper "Yeah. Yeah we were."

Cas looked at Dean and waited for him to open his eyes again. He asked "You never answered my question the other day. Do you miss it?"

Dean ran a hand through his hair "Dammit Cas. Just drop it okay?"

Dean stood up to walk out and Cas stepped in front of him. He put his hand on Dean's chest "No. I want to know. I need to know Dean."

Dean turned his back on Cas "What do you want me to say?" he yelled and turned back to Cas "You want me to tell you I miss it so much I can hardly breath!"

He stepped closer to Cas "That it kills me? You are this fucking close and I can't touch you. Is that what you want to hear, Cas? Dammit!" He ran his hand through his hair again and leaned both hands on the counter, dropping his head. His shoulders shook and Cas knew he was crying.

Cas approached him and touched his shoulder "Dean... I'm sorry"

Dean didn't look up. His voice softer he said "Its fine Cas. I'm sorry I yelled at you."

Cas rubbed his back "Dean, Look at me"

Dean shook his head no. Cas cupped his cheek with his hand and turned his face to look at him. Dean had tear's running down his cheeks. Cas pulled him to him and wrapped his arms around Dean. Dean clung to him and cried. He stood up and wiped his tears. He grabbed his plate off the table and took it to the sink. "Everything is fine Cas. Don't worry about it."

Cas stood where he had been and glanced over at the picture again. He said quietly "Do you want to?"

Dean turned to look at him "What?"

Cas came around the counter and approached Dean "Do you want to... Make love to me?"

Dean exhaled like he had been punched in the gut and closed his eyes "You're not ready Cas"

He turned around to wash his plate. Cas slipped his arms around his waist. He rested his head against Dean's back "I think I am"

Dean ran his hand across Cas' arms. He stood there silently. The doorbell startled both of them. Cas stepped back and Dean turned. He wiped his eyes on a dish towel and went to answer the door. Cas went and sat back down. He slid a place mat over his sketch and continued drinking his coffee. Dean came back in with Sam in tow. He poured Sam a cup of coffee and handed him the creamer. Sam sat down next to Cas. "Hey man, how you doing?" He patted Cas on the back.

Cas tried to smile "I'm...managing. Dean and I went on a date Friday"

Sam smiled "Yeah? Did you kiss him?"

Dean turned around and yelled "Sam!"

Sam shrugged "Just wondering."

Dean stared at Cas. Cas looked at Dean. They both were lost thinking about making out in bed together. Sam finally cleared his throat loudly and they both swung their gazes to him. Cas finally answered him "It's okay, Dean. Yes, Sam, I kissed him. It was nice."

Sam nodded "Awesome! Glad to hear it. So, I came by cause as you know Dean, Its mom's birthday."

Dean ran his hand through his hair "Shit. Is that today?"

Sam laughed and said to Cas "He's lucky he has me or he would forget every year. Yes, Dean, it is today. We are all going out to eat. You and Cas too."

Cas bit his lip "I didn't know about this. I made plans to have dinner with my brother Gabe."

Sam smiled "Yeah? How is Gabe?"

Cas shrugged "I'm not sure. I have only seen him once since...everything."

"Well, bring him along. My mom likes him and you can't miss her birthday. She would be really disappointed. Also, don't worry about your memory thing, she knows and she won't do anything to embarrass you."

Cas nodded "Alright. I'll go call Gabe."

Dean said "Okay. I'm gonna run out with Sam and pick my mom up a gift. I'll see you later, babe"

Cas smiled and left them in the kitchen. He went upstairs and called Gabe. When he told him about the birthday dinner and that Sam said to bring him along Gabe seemed excited "I haven't seen Sam since... God must be almost a year now. Sound's like fun. Text me the directions and I'll meet you at the restaurant" Cas agreed and hung up. Dean and Sam had already left when he went down stairs. Cas had an idea for a gift.

***

Dean ended up getting his mom a three day spa vacation. She never did anything nice for herself and Dean thought she should be pampered a little. As they were leaving the spa Sam asked Dean "So, you kissed? Did it go further then that?"

Dean shook his head "I'm not discussing this with you, Sam, get in the car"

Sam tried again "But Dean.."

Dean wasn't having it "Just get in the car, Sam. Now."

Sam laughed but got in the car. As they were driving Dean sighed "He wants to, okay? But I don't know if he is ready for all that. He doesn't even remember liking guys Sam."

Sam shook his head "Dean. He hadn't been with a guy before he got with you the first time. Why should this time be any different? I say if he wants this, you should try."

Dean blew out a breath " What if he's only doing it to make me happy? I mean... what if he's not into it?"

Sam tossed his hair nervously "I don't presume to know how all that works with you two but... I mean... he's a dude. So... wouldn't it be obvious if he was into it?"

Dean rolled his eyes "Just because his dick gets hard doesn't necessarily mean he is into it Sam"

Sam looked confused "It doesn't?"

"Well...I mean YEAH he would obviously be turned on but.. I don't fricken know Sam. Just drop it."

Sam rolled his eyes "OOOOkay. If you say so."

Dean got a text from Cas asking him to pick up a 5X7 frame. Dean replied he had some in the basement. He wondered what Cas was up to.

***

Cas went into the library and pulled down the photo albums. He found a picture that said Mary Winchester and her two boys Dean age 4 and Sam age 6 months. Mary was holding Sam on her hip and her other hand was holding onto Dean's little hand. Cas set it down and started recreating the picture with colored pencils. When he was done he took out a calligraphy pen and wrote across the top in black swirly print _A mother holds her children's hands for a little while.....But she hold's their hearts forever._

He went down to the basement and found a frame that was stained a dark brown. He put the sketch inside the frame. He hoped Mary Winchester would like it. As he was heading back up stairs he noticed a box in the corner and a stuffed animal peeking out of the top. Cas set down the picture and went over to the box. He pulled out the animal and it was a stuffed Winney the pooh. He held it to his chest and the memory came flooding back. He stumbled back and sat down rocking the bear. He realized he was crying. "Oh, Dean... You didn't tell me it was my fault we never tried again."

He heard Dean call out to him. Cas quickly wiped his tears and put the bear back in the box. He grabbed the picture and headed for the stairs. It took him a bit to get back up stairs with his cast on but he managed. As he came out of the door Dean was waiting for him. "Hey, you had me worried."

Cas looked into Dean's eyes and he kissed him. Dean was startled at first then he relaxed into the kiss. When Cas pulled away Dean said, "What was that for?"

Cas shrugged "For being the most amazingly understanding husband on the planet"

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable with the praise "yeah, well, you're easy to love" He winked at Cas

***

Cas had shown Dean the gift he made for his mom. Dean thought it was sweet and thought their mom would love it. Cas didn't tell Dean he found the pooh bear or that he had that memory. Dean had enough to worry about without adding that to it. They got to the restaurant and Cas was struck by how beautiful Dean's mom was. Even at her age now she still glowed. She had on a black cocktail dress and her hair was swept up but if you looked closely you could still see the girl from the pictures. She went over to Cas and took both of his hand's in hers "Cas, hi, I'm Mary, your mother-in-law"

Cas was grateful to her for being so kind and introducing herself. He smiled "You are beautiful. Your pictures don't do you justice"

Mary smiled widely "Haven't lost your manners or flattery skill have you?"

Cas just smiled back. He had been completely serious, but he let Mary brush it off so she wasn't uncomfortable. They ran into Gabe who had been waiting at the restaurant. He picked up Mary Winchester and hugged her. "Mary, you look ravishing. Happy birthday! What are you now? 21?"

She laughed "Oh Gabriel, your such a crack-up"

Sam shook Gabe's hand, his eyes only meeting Gabe's for a second "Gabe, been a while"

Gabe smiled and Cas saw him barely wink at Sam "Sam, you look...well."

Sam pulled his hand back and coughed "Okay, let's see if our table is ready."

They headed to the table and Cas pulled Gabe back he whispered "What the hell was that about?"

Gabe smiled "I'll tell you later"

At dinner they all talked and laughed. Cas found it wasn't nearly as awkward as he thought it would be. Dean's family was open and fun. Gabe seemed to fit right in. Cas still thought it was odd the way Gabe would occasionally stare at Sam. While Sam was clearly trying to avoid any prolonged eye contact. For dessert the waiter brought out a German chocolate cake with a candle on top. Everyone sang happy birthday. Dean gave Sam a fist bump under the table for setting up the cake. After they had eaten the cake, they gave Mary her gifts. Sam had gotten her a diamond heart necklace that had his and Dean's birthstones inset at the two tops of the hearts. Dean gave her the spa gift certificate. Gabe apologized for the last minute gift. He had a bottle of wine from his own wine cellar that was from the year Mary was born. She smiled and told him that was amazing and certainly didn't seem like a last minute gift. Cas then handed her his gift. He had just wrapped it in newspaper. "Sorry about the terrible wrapping, I didn't have any other paper"

She grinned "That's okay Castiel, its good to recycle."

She unwrapped the gift and her hand went to her mouth. Tears sprang in her eyes "Cas.... Did you draw this?"

Cas nodded "Uhm.. yes. I hope it's okay."

She put her hand on her heart and then hugged him "It's wonderful. I love it."

She passed the picture around and everyone commented on how sweet and thoughtful it was. Dean put his hand on Cas' thigh absentmindedly. Cas' mind went blank. All he could focus on was Dean's hand resting on his leg. He adjusted his pants and pushed himself closer to the table. Finally everyone got up to leave. They told Mary happy birthday again and went their separate ways. Gabe and Cas made plans to have lunch next week. Then Cas was alone in the car with Dean. Cas was quiet on the drive home.

When they finally got inside Dean kicked his shoes off. Cas did the same. As Dean turned around he was facing Cas who was standing really close to him. Cas took a step closer and Dean backed up hitting the door. Cas stepped closer again. He put one hand on either side of Dean "You never answered my question, Dean. I'd like an answer."

Dean's heart was pounding in his chest. He licked his lips "Cas... I don't know what you want me to say."

Cas cocked his head to the side, his eyes serious "I want you to tell me the truth. Do you want me?"

Dean closed his eyes and laid his head back against the door "Yes.... But it's not that simp.."

Cas cut him off by kissing him. He pressed his lips against Dean's. He slid his tongue out and over Dean's lips. Dean opened his mouth and Cas' tongue slipped inside. Dean wrapped his arm's around Cas. Cas dropped his arm's to fold around Dean's neck. Dean pulled back with his arms still around Cas. He put his head against Cas' forehead. "Okay...Okay, baby... you win. But are you sure?"

Cas cupped Dean's face with his hand "Yes. I'm sure. I don't need to remember everything to understand why I fell for you. It's clear to me how that happened. Now I just want to feel. I want to feel you. I need to."

Dean nodded. He took Cas by the hand and helped him upstairs. When they got to the bedroom Dean closed the door. He laid Cas down on the bed and took off his own clothes. Cas watched in fascination as each part of his body was revealed to Cas. He left his boxers on and slid up Cas' body. Dean kissed him and his hands trembled as he unbuttoned Cas' shirt. Cas sat up so Dean could pull off the shirt. He lay back down and Dean undid his slacks. He had a little trouble pulling them over the cast but finally managed. Dean slid his hand up Cas' chest as he got back on the bed. Cas' breathing was unsteady. Dean kissed his neck with wet open mouth kisses. He slid his hand over Cas' groin. Cas inhaled sharply. Dean rested his head on Cas' chest. "I'm sorry. This is new for me too. You usually... Well ... I'm not used to being the one in control"

Cas tilted Dean's chin up to look at him "What about the first time? Had I ever been with a man before?"

Dean ran his hand over his lips "No. Its just been me. But...uh...the first time? You sort of attacked me" Dean laughed "I think I waited too long because I didn't want to pressure you since you had never been with a guy before. I guess you got tired of waiting for me to make the move."

Cas laughed "Sounds familiar. But, I honestly don't know what to do. I want to, though."

Dean ran his lips across Cas' shoulder blade. He kissed down his chest. He pulled one of Cas nipples into his mouth, sucking on it. He scrapped his teeth over the bud. Cas inhaled and breathed out a stuttering breath. Dean switched to the other nipple, doing the same thing. He murmured "Cas...talk to me. Tell me what you want me to do. " Dean kissed his hip. Cas' vision clouded.

***Flash***

Cas was above Dean. Inside him. He was talking all kind's of dirty things into Dean's ear. Dean was moaning and writhing beneath him.

***

Cas took a gasping breath. He pulled Dean up and flipped him on his back. Cas' smile was feral. He ran his tongue across Dean's lips. He growled "Today is your lucky day, Sexy. I just had a doozy of a memory flash."

He rubbed his thigh against Dean's groin. Dean moaned "Oh thank god. I was totally lost."

Cas nipped his ear and said into it "You miss me baby?"

Dean stuttered out "Yesss... I missed you like crazy"

Cas kissed down Dean's body. He slid off his boxers. He looked at Dean's erection and licked his lips. As soon as his mouth closed around Dean's cock, he remembered how to do it. His lips slid down his shaft and back up again. He swirled his tongue over the head of Dean's cock. He pulled back and told Dean to hand him the lube. Dean quickly grabbed it from the drawer and handed it to Cas. Cas lubed up his hand, he released Dean's cock. He slid down more and rimmed Dean's ass with his tongue. Dean bent his knee's and pulled them closer to his chest. He panted out "Yes. Cas.."

Cas slid one finger inside Dean. Dean moaned and pushed his ass against Cas' finger. Cas smacked his ass. "Stay still Dean."

Dean's breath came out in a whoosh. He panted "Yes, sir."

Cas slid a second finger into Dean and leaned forward. His fingers brushed Dean's prostate while he sucked on Dean's nipple. Dean shuttered. Taking his other nipple in his mouth he inserted a third finger. Dean couldn't help himself he began moving his hips against Cas hand. "Please... baby... I need you."

Cas finger fucked him faster. He whispered "Someone is desperate to be filled. What do you want Dean?"

Dean moaned out "You... I want your cock... oh god... please Cas!"

Cas pulled his finger's out and wiped them on Dean's t-shirt. "That's my boy. I like it when you ask for what you want."

Cas laid down and pulled Dean over. "Ride my cock, Sexy. Take what you want."

Dean was panting. He grabbed the lube and slicked it over Cas' cock. Cas hissed at the sensation. Dean straddled Cas and rested his hand against Cas' chest. He eased himself down onto Cas' cock. Dean panted as he worked his hips, sliding more and more of Cas' hard cock inside him. He let out a shout and tossed his head back as Cas thrust his hips bottoming Dean out. Cas held him still for a minute, his body flush against Dean. "Oh Dean... you're so fucking tight. Jesus christ. .... Fuck me, baby."

Dean began to slowly move his hips pulling out and sliding back in. Cas grabbed his hips and thrust up. He increased the rhythm. Slamming himself into Dean over and over. Dean was sweating and moaning. Cas didn't even know where all those words were coming from, he just spouted them out "Yes. That's it baby. You look amazing riding my cock. You gonna come for me?"

He slid his hand down to stroke Dean's cock. Dean had his mouth open and his head thrown back. He was chanting "Cas...Cas...Cas.."

His lips trembled and his legs shook. He came in a hot spurt that coated Cas' hand and stomach. As he came he raked his nails down the front of Cas' chest. Cas cried out at the sensation of Dean's nails and his ass tightening like a vice around his cock. He thrust up once more then shoved Dean down to the base of his cock and came deep inside him. "Oh! Fuck!...Dean!...Oh Dean!"

His body was shaking now too. Dean slid off him, kissed him once then went into the bathroom and grabbed a wet washcloth. He cleaned up Cas' chest and wiped down both of them. He tossed the washcloth in the sink and came back into the room. Cas was still laying there staring at the ceiling. Dean smiled and layed his head on Cas' chest. "You okay baby?" Dean asked

Cas dropped one arm around Dean's back. "Yes. I'm just....wow. I had no idea what I was missing"

Dean chuckled "Yeah you did, you just had to remember. I for one am damn glad you did"

Cas tugged on Dean "Look at me Dean"

Dean sat up resting his elbows on Cas' chest. Cas smiled a soft smile he said "I still have a long way to go, but I want to get there with you. Okay?"

Dean leaned in and kissed him "Okay, Cas. We'll work it out."

Dean lay his head back on Cas' chest. Cas pulled the blanket over both of them and fell asleep.

***

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> picture from - http://picslist.com/image/43792738528


	10. Time To Bring This Ship Onto The Shore

As the week's passed Cas recalled a little more and a little more. A lot of his memories were in picture form. Sketches he drew without content. Dean would fill him in on all of the backgrounds to each picture. They made love every night and Cas no longer slept in the guest room. He had started to fall for Dean. He couldn't quite remember loving him the first time around, but he was easily falling in love with him now. Cas had a standing weekly lunch date with Gabe. Gabe told him they didn't use to hang out that often so Cas was determined to change that. If Gabe was his only sibling that stood by him, he deserved Cas' time. 

Finally, the day came to get that stupid cast off. Cas was more than ready. They got to the hospital early and Dean took Cas into the chapel to find Yaya. As usual, she was sitting in the pew at the front. Dean walked up to her and gave her a hug. She patted his cheek "Hello child and who is this?"

Dean presented Cas "Yaya, this is my husband Cas"

She put her hand to her heart then reached out her hand. Cas took it and sat down next to her in the pew. She asked, "How is your...how do you say?...head?"

Cas smiled "My memory? It's getting there. I remember some things. Dean takes me places so we can make new memories too"

She patted his hand "This is good. You fight for your husband. He love you so much."

Cas looked at Dean "I know he does. Thank you for being here for him. He speaks highly of you."

They said goodbye to Yaya and she kissed them both on the cheek. She wished them luck. Dean had to leave to go make a delivery. He had a very old cabinet that he had restored that was being auctioned off for charity that day. Gabe came to the hospital to be able to take Cas home. 

As they were waiting for the doctor to come in Gabe went to use the bathroom. He told Cas to answer his phone if it rang. His phone started playing _"In the heat of the moment"_ He picked it up to answer it but couldn't figure it out. Cas pushed the touch screen trying to answer the phone and Gabe's pictures came up instead. The music stopped playing so Cas assumed the caller had hung up. He went to close Gabe's phone but his eye's landed on the photo he had accidentally pulled up. Was that....Sam?! It was. Gabe had a picture of him and Sam spread out and naked on a bed. Gabe was holding the camera up to take the picture and Sam was laughing. Cas' mouth fell open. Oh... Gabe has some explaining to do. The phone was taken out of his hand. He looked up at Gabe who closed the picture and sat on the hospital bed next to Cas. 

"I can explain this" Gabe said gesturing to his phone

Cas ran his hand through his hair "Yeah? I would love to hear this. How does my 'straight' brother end up in bed with my 'straight' brother-in-law NAKED?"

Gabe shrugged "It was just the one time Cassie"

Cas' eyes were wide "That doesn't really explain anything Gabe"

Gabe sighed "Okay. Since you're going to make a big deal out of it. The night of your bachelor party, you guys ditched us. After we had blown up your phones for 2 hours, we finally got a text that you were home in bed. Well... Sam and I were kind of pissed. So we started drinking. The next thing you know we were kissing in a cab headed to my pad. When we got there Sam just sort of picked me up and tossed me on the bed."

Cas cut him off "Whoa whoa whoa. I don't need EVERY detail, Gabe. So.. you slept with him?"

Gabe shrugged and smiled sheepishly "Yep. But it was just the one day. We uhm.. we sort of agreed not to speak of it again. You know, cause we're both straight."

Cas put his head in his hand "Not THAT straight apparently. Jesus Gabe, Dean's gonna have a bitch fit so bad he will have a litter of puppies."

Gabe's eyes went wide."You can't tell him, Cassie! Sam would kill me. Promise you won't say anything."

Cas sighed "Fuck. Did I know about this before I lost my memories?"

Gabe shook his head "No, and I hadn't really planned on telling you."

Cas shrugged "Fine. I won't say anything. By the way, you missed a call. It played the heat of the moment"

Gabe grinned "Really?" He pulled up his missed call list.

Cas looked at him wearily "Yeah... Who's ring tone is that Gabe?"

Gabe smiled widely "oh.. you know.. no one special. I'm gonna just pop out in the hall and call...this person back"

The doctor came in as Gabe was leaving. Cas sighed and lay back to get the cast removed. 

***

His leg felt weird and too thin but he could walk on it. He was glad to be wearing two shoe's again too. Gabe dropped him at the house and made him promise again not to bring up 'the thing' with him and Sam to Dean. He promised and went inside. The first thing he did was run a hot bath in that Jacuzzi tub. It had been taunting him since he came home from the hospital. Dean wasn't home yet so Cas figured he had time to just relax.  

He had just sunk down into the tub up to his neck when Dean came in. He sat on the edge of the tub and took his shoe's off. "Mind if I join you?"

Cas smiled and scooted up. Dean took off his clothes and slid in behind Cas. Cas lay back into Dean's arms sitting between his legs. He rested his head on Dean's chest and sighed contentedly. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and laid his head back on the tub. Cas ran his hands lazily over Dean's arms. "I dreamed about our wedding last night, I drew you a picture"

Dean kissed his head "Mmm, did you? What part?"

"Your vows. You said throughout your life and all your travels you have discovered many treasures but none of them could compare to the gift of my love."

Dean sighed "I'm glad you remembered that. I still remember what you said to me. You wanna hear it?"

Cas smiled "Yes, please"

Dean pulled him closer and said into his ear "You said, you never judge a book by its cover. My cover was beautiful and leather bound but the story inside was far more intriguing and wonderful and you just knew we would have a happy ending"

Cas turned in the tub to face Dean. He kissed him and whispered against his lips "I love you"

Dean's eyes closed and a tear fell down his cheek. He pulled Cas into his arms and said "I love you too, baby. So much."

Cas got out of the tub and pulled Dean with him. They dried off and went into the bedroom. Dean sat at the head of the bed with his back against the headboard and Cas straddled him kissing him. He whispered, "Have you ever been inside me?"

Dean shook his head "Just once. It's usually the other way"

Cas rubbed his ass against Dean's erection "I want to try if your okay with it"

Dean put his hand's on Cas face. His eyes serious "Are you sure? It hurts a little, at first. Your body won't be used to it like mine"

Cas breathed out "I don't care. I want you to make love to me."

Dean swallowed and nodded "Okay."

He laid Cas on his side and grabbed the lube. He lifted one of Cas' legs to drape over his. With Cas facing him he slid lube all around the entrance to Cas' hole. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas back and slid one finger inside. Cas hissed and tensed up. Dean rubbed circles on his back "Relax baby..." he whispered. Cas relaxed and Dean begin to move his finger inside him. Cas' moaned. Dean kissed down his neck to his shoulder. He slid in a second finger and waited for Cas' body to adjust. Once Cas started to relax he slid his fingers over his prostate. Cas called out "Oh dear god! That's... that's good"

Dean chuckled "Yes it is. I love when you do that to me."

Dean scissored his finger's inside Cas. He turned and rotated them stretching him as he went. Cas was panting. Dean added more lube and slid three finger's inside Cas. Cas moaned and pushed back against Dean's finger's "Almost ready baby.. almost ready"

Cas was going crazy he panted out "Oh..Dean...Dean.."

Dean lay Cas on his back. He shifted his body between his legs. Dean squirted lube directly onto Cas' hole and then stroked a good amount down his own cock. He lifted Cas' legs up and he looked down at him "We're just gonna do this quick okay. It will hurt but not for long. You with me?"

Cas nodded "Yes. Let's do this."

Dean slid into Cas' ass then pushed past the muscle till he slid inside Cas. Cas bit his lip. A little whine escaped his mouth. Dean stayed deep inside him not moving "You okay?"

Cas nodded. Dean eased slowly back. Cas moaned.

He slid back in slowly Cas begin to move with him "Mmmm Yesss."

Dean held onto Cas' hips and begin to rock his hips pushing into Cas and pulling back out. He hit his prostate every time. Dean was lost. His eyes shut. He whispered out "So tight.. so good... not...gonna...last long"

Cas felt like electrical currents were running through his body. He could barely focus. He slid his hand over his cock and jacked it the way he usually did to Dean. His breath was coming in short gasps. Dean clamped down on his hips and slammed into him releasing inside Cas. Cas exploded shooting hot come all over him and Dean. He cried out and it was as if someone had flung open every door in his mind. Memories came flooding back in in waves. Cas screamed "Dean!!!" He put his head in his hands. Dean pulled him up against him. He rocked him "Its okay. It's okay Cas. What happened?"

Cas was breathing unevenly, tears started to come down his face. Dean was terrified "Baby. Did I hurt you? What's wrong?"

Cas curled into Dean's chest. He breathed out "not...hurt...memories"

Dean breathed out heavily "Okay. Okay. I got you."

Cas finally clawed his way through the memories. He looked at Dean and his heart swelled. How could he have forgotten this wonderful man? He touched his face and cried "Dean...I love you so much"

Dean laughed a little in relief "Did I break you Cas?"

Cas shook his head "No. You fixed me. I.. I remember..."

"That must have been a hell of a memory. What did you remember Cas?"

Cas' eyes were bright, the tears continued to flow. He whispered "Everything. I remember...everything"

Dean started crying and hugged him against him.

 

 


	11. I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a Sabriel scene at the beginning of this chapter. If you aren't a fan, you can scroll past if you like as there is nothing pertinent to the main story in that section.

Gabriel paced his apartment. Sam had called and asked if he wanted to 'hang' tonight. Gabe walked over and sat on his couch. He shifted his arm over the back, then slouched a little. He sat up and crossed his leg over his knee. He talked out loud to himself "Casual.. keep it casual Gabe. Yeah.. just Caz."

He leaned against the divider between his kitchen and living room. He unbuttoned his shirt one button, maybe two. "No. Now you look like your trying too hard"

He buttoned one button back up. "Hey Sam, old buddy. Pal. Just two guys, hanging out like...straight guys do."

He fixed his hair in the mirror again, then tousled it so it wouldn't look like he fixed it. "Sam... buddy. Can I interest you in some very expensive and intoxicating wine?"

Gabe smacked his forehead "He doesn't drink wine. Sup' Samster wanna grab some brewskies and watch the game?"

Gabe looked in the mirror "You sound like a fucking frat boy. Okay, come on Gabe. Head in the game. 'Sam, Hi nice to see you again. You want a beer?' Yeah. that will work. Maybe we shouldn't drink at all. MAYBE we shouldn't even be meeting here? Dammit.. I should call and tell him to meet me at like, A sports bar or some other place really conspicuous and crowded"

He picked up his cell phone and started to dial then hung up "Or not. What if he think's I think something would happen and he freaks out, so he doesn't come at all?"

He looked in the mirror for the fifth time "Maybe just one button less. Yeah. Cause nothin says 'we're just friends' like a bit of chest hair! ugg!"

He laid back on the couch with his head hanging off the edge "Cassie is gonna kill me"

***

Sam sat at his table staring at his cell phone. His leg nervously twitched. He picked up the phone dialed 4 numbers then hung it up. He set it back on the table. He tapped his finger's on the table. He said "Fuck it"

He grabbed up his cell and headed for the door. He stopped turned around and sat back down slamming his phone on the table. He ran his hand's through his hair. "I'll just call and say something came up, no big deal" He picked up his phone again and shook it in his hands before setting it back on the table.

He glared at the phone "Nothing wrong with hanging out with him. I asked just to hang. I'm sure he won't get the wrong idea."

Sam stood up and paced the room gesturing with his hands as he spoke "But which idea would be the _wrong_ one? Dammit." 

He walked into his bathroom and leaned over the sink looking into the mirror "You. are. not. gay." He cocked his eyebrow at his reflection "Am I? Come on, what is the likelihood of both my brother AND me being into dudes? Pshh, that's crazy."

He left the bathroom and picked up his cell. He pulled up Gabriel's picture and grinned at it "Look at that face. Such a cutie."

He set his phone down and deepened his voice some "I mean, that face look's...you know..like a guy"

He looked back at the phone "A guy...I have seen naked and... been inside of. Fuck!" 

He grabbed his jacket and put his phone in the pocket "Whatever. I'm just gonna go and hang. Nothing wrong with that."

He opened the door and Gabe was standing there about to knock. He dropped his hand. He snap clapped his hand's together. "Hey. Sam...I think this is.."

Sam grabbed him by the back of the head and pulled him inside. He closed the door and started kissing Gabe. Gabe grabbed a hold of Sam's jacket and it slid off his shoulder's. Sam picked him up and slid his hand across his counter knocking everything onto the floor. He sat Gabe on the counter. Gabe wrapped his legs around Sam. Sam pulled away scrunching his eyes closed. He panted "We... we can't do this"

Gabe yanked Sam's shirt up and over his head dropping it on the floor. He swallowed "You're right, we definitely should stop"

Sam nodded and ripped Gabe's shirt open. He buried his lips in Gabe's neck "Yeah. We are totally gonna stop. In..just a second"

Gabe slid forward and started kissing Sam's chest as he undid his pants "Abso-fucking-lutely. We are so not doing this. Because it would be wrong"

Sam panted grinding his hips against Gabe's erection. His pants dropped to the ground. He kicked them off. "Yes. So wrong. Cause...we don't swing that way."

He pushed Gabe back to lay out across the counter and ripped open his button flies. Gabe arched his back allowing Sam to yank off his jeans. He moaned "Uhhh. Right. We.. we don't.. what was I saying?"

Sam yanked him forward and growled "Shut up Gabe" He slid his tongue across the dip in Gabe's belly button, Gabe moaned.

Sam pulled off his boxers. Gabe came to his senses for a second and slid off the counter. "Wait wait..hold up" he put his hand in front of him.

Sam eyed him. He took off his own boxers not breaking eye contact with Gabe. He advanced on Gabe, walking into his outstretched hand. Gabe exhaled and slid his hand up the expanse of Sam's ripped chest. Gabe stuttered out looking up at Sam "What are we doing?"

Sam smiled his eyes getting little flecks of gold in them. He grabbed Gabe and pinned his arm's behind his back. He slid his nose along Gabe's jaw line and breathed hot air into Gabe's ear "What does it look like?"

Gabe's heart was racing. He fucking loved how aggressive Sam was. Sam walked him back into his room. He lifted him up and tossed him onto his bed. Gabe landed flat on his back. He dropped his head onto the bed "Oh. Fuck it."

Sam crawled up the bed and forced Gabe's legs apart "That's the idea"

He stroked Gabe's cock as he put his mouth around his balls and sucked. Gabe began to writhe. Sam lifted his legs and rimmed his ass. Gabe cried out "holy hell Sam"

Sam kissed his inner thigh and said "Gotta get you really wet for me"

He bent Gabe in half and continued eating his ass. He held up Gabe with one hand while he sucked on his finger's. He slid a finger inside Gabe going straight for the prostate. He sucked on Gabe's taint at the same time. Gabe fisted his hands in the sheet. He moaned "Oh..sammy!"

Sam got up and pulled his finger out. He grabbed a bottle of baby oil he had in his bathroom. He came back in and pinned Gabe's hand's to the bed. He stuck his tongue in Gabe's mouth and kissed him deeply. He growled in his ear "Don't call me Sammy when I plan to fuck you"

Gabe gasped "Yeah. Fair enough."

Sam sat back on the bed he squirted oil onto Gabe's ass and slicked up his cock. He tossed the bottle and yanked Gabe closer to him. He leaned over Gabe and bit his lip. "If I remember right, you like it hard and rough right?"

Gabe closed his eyes and breathed out "Fuck yes"

Sam smiled."Good" He slid his cock into position and grabbed Gabe's thighs. He pulled Gabe down while he thrust forward. Gabe cried out "Oh god! Yes!"

Sam thrust quick hard motions. sending Gabe up and over the edge. As Sam pumped into Gabe he growled "You like to fucking tease me, don't you? Your fuckin' tight ass in those tight jeans. I wanted to fuck you against the table in that restaurant."

Gabe was shaking "How about you. Could your shirt be any tighter? I couldn't stop watching you. Oh! Damn!" His head dropped back down as Sam picked up speed.

He yanked Gabe up to sit on his lap. He continued to grind himself into Gabe. Gabe's legs were draped over Sam's arm's and he was lifting him and slamming him back down on his cock in the sitting position. Gabe wrapped his arms around Sam's neck holding on for dear life. Sam bit Gabe's ear "You're going to come without touching your cock. I want that thing to go off like a fire-hose"

Gabe bit down on Sam's shoulder screaming into it. His body released. He dropped his head back and his cum coated both him and Sam. Sam pushed him down on the bed and pulled out. He stroked his cock a few times. He told Gabe "Open your mouth"

Gabe let his mouth drop open and Sam jerked off and came shooting come down Gabe's throat and over his lips. Gabe licked his lips moaning at the taste of Sam on his tongue. Sam dropped down and licked Gabe's come off his chest before sliding up and slipping his tongue into Gabe's mouth to mingle their tastes together. 

He slid off Gabe and lay on his back next to him. Gabe panted "You realize.. we have...no excuse...this time"

Sam was winded he breathed out "Yea, I know. We should have drunk first" He started laughing

Gabe started laughing too. He said still laughing "Yeah. I can see that conversation. Hey wanna get drunk so we have an excuse to fuck?"

Sam doubled over holding his stomach laughing "Stop..stop.. I can't breath"

Gabe laid his body over Sam's and chuckled. He ran his finger's through Sam's hair "Anyone ever tell you, you have the silkiest hair?"

Sam grinned "Oh you know, just...everyone"

Sam heard a thud like a door closing. He looked wide eyed at Gabe "Did we lock the door?"

Gabe threw his hand's up "As if you gave me a chance"

"Sammy! You in here?" they heard Dean call

Sam threw Gabe off his body, Gabe rolled off the other side of the bed "Shit!" 

Sam grabbed the blanket and covered himself. Gabe stood up and grabbed a pillow covering his junk. Dean walked into the room and froze. He looked at Sam and then at Gabe. Then he yelled "What the fuck is going on here?!? Son of a bitch Sammy! I'll be in the god damned living room" He turned and walked out shouting over his shoulder "And put some clothes on!"

Gabe whispered "Doesn't he know how to knock?

Sam shook his head whispered back "No. That's why I was going to your place"

Gabe pointed at him "I knew it! You were coming over to fuck me"

Sam threw his hand's up in the air dropping the blanket "Yeah. No shit Gabe. We gotta get dressed."

Gabe looked down at his torn open shirt and nothing else. "My clothes are in your living room. Whats left of them."

Sam went to his drawer and tossed him a t-shirt and some sweats "They'll be big but they have a drawstring"

Sam pulled on a t-shirt and some basketball pants. He left Gabe to figure out his clothes. Sam was determined not to back down to Dean. He was a grown man. If he wanted to have sex with...another grown man. That was his business.

He walked into the living room and Dean was sitting at his little kitchen table. He had a beer opened. He wiped his hand over his mouth and leaned on his elbow fist under his chin. "You wanna tell me what I just walked in on?"

Sam scratched his head and went to the fridge. He took out a beer and opened it. He leaned on the bar. "uhm.. nope. Not particularly Dean"

Dean nodded and set his beer on the table. He got up "Alright, that's fair. I'll be right back"

Sam grabbed his arm "Where are you going?"

Dean pointed at himself "Oh me? I'm gonna go punch Gabriel in the fucking face."

Sam clenched his jaw and sighed "Fuck. Fine. we'll talk about this. You're not punching anyone."

Dean sat back down and took a drink of his beer "That remains to be seen. But you bought your boyfriend a stay of execution"

Sam ran his hand through his hair "It's not like that Dean. Okay. It just...happened"

Dean laughed sarcastically "Oh yeah? How does that just happen? I mean as far as I understood it YOU WERE FUCKING STRAIGHT." Dean shook his head "How does my gay-dar not go off on my own brother?"

Sam set his beer down and stuck his hand's in his pockets "I am straight. We both are."

Dean stood up and pointed at Sam "Oh no you're not! Did you or did you not just have sex with my brother-in-law?"

Sam shrugged "I...well.."

Dean inclined his head "Yes or no Sammy"

Gabe came out of the room. His feet were slipping back and forth on the too long sweats that hung over them and the t-shirt went down almost to his knees. He answered Dean's question "Yes. We did Dean-o"

Dean didn't look over at Gabe. He just pointed his finger and stayed staring at Sam "Gabriel, I'm not talking to you right now. I suggest you shut up and sit down"

He shimmied over to the couch and sat down in a huff. Sam got mad. "Hey! Say whatever the fuck you want to me Dean but leave Gabe out of this."

Dean pursed his lips "Alright. It goes like this. You are not straight. I should know seeing as I am MARRIED TO A GUY. You figure your shit out."

He turned to Gabe "And you, you're lucky I don't lay you out for deflowering my little brother. I'm out of here."

Sam called out to him "Dean, what did you come over for anyway?"

Dean stopped and punched the wall he took a breath "Cas got his memories back. Thought you might wanna know" He opened the door and left slamming the door behind him.

***

Dean stormed into his house. "Cas! Where are you? You're not gonna believe what I just walked in on!" He ran up the stairs and saw the nursery door opened. He went inside and Cas was sitting on the floor. He had his back against the wall and the stuffed Winney the pooh in his arms. All Dean's anger went out the window. He came over and sat down next to Cas. He said quietly "You okay baby? What are you doing in here?"

Cas slid the house phone over to him. "We got a phone call. Listen to the message Dean"

Dean called the voicemail and put it on speakerphone " _Hi Mister Winchester, This is Hannah Host down at little hands adoption agency. We were very sorry to hear you didn't get the baby you were expecting. I'm calling because we have run into a strange circumstance. The hospital had a teenage mother come in and give birth, she left in the middle of the night. I can give you more information if you would like. Please call me back as soon as you can."_

Dean shut off the phone and looked at Cas "What do you want to do?"

Cas sighed. He hugged the bear to his chest. " I guess, It wouldn't hurt to call. Just to find out."

Dean didn't want to get his hopes up in case Cas changed his mind "You sure? This is what you want?"

Cas nodded his head he wiped a tear from his eye. His voice choked "I just really want a baby"

Dean hugged him and kissed his head "Okay. We'll call."

Dean picked up the phone and dialed. He held his breath, setting the phone on speaker phone. He and Cas sat side by side and listened to the phone ring. Finally, someone answered. Dean was connected through to Mz Host. 

"Mr. Winchester. I'm so glad you called. Am I speaking with Dean or Castiel?"

Dean spoke "We're both on the line Hannah. What is this we hear about a baby?"

"Well, we immediately thought of you. Since you have already gone through the screening process, we could place the baby soon if you were willing. I should give you all the fact's though before you make any decisions. "

Cas spoke up "We're listening"

"Alright. Well as I said in my message a teenage mother came into the hospital. She was already in the late stages of labor so they didn't press her for details. They just delivered the baby. When the doctor came back in with her child after he had run his tests. The girl was gone. She left a note that simply stated she could not have a baby and to please see he went to a good home. Here is the problem. After 72 hours he became a ward of the state, but we know nothing of his medical history. He is African-American, I'm not sure that's an issue for you but I need to include it anyway. "

Cas cut her off "Is he healthy?"

"Well, yes. He seems to be in perfect health."

Cas nodded "And, he has no problem's we should know about?"

"No nothing with him physically. He is by all right a perfectly healthy 4-day old baby boy. There is a catch, though"

Dean grit his teeth "There always is."

"Since he was abandoned, he can't be officially adopted for the term of one year. He would be able to go home with you and if his mother did not resurface within twelve months, you could then officially adopt him."

Dean looked at Cas. Cas just closed his eyes. Dean said "Thank you, Hannah, we need to discuss this and we will call you right back"

"Of course. I look forward to your call"

Dean hung up the phone. He took Cas' hand. "We can say no. Maybe, we can try at another time."

Cas shook his head, he swallowed back tears "He's all alone Dean. He doesn't have anyone to love him."

Dean closed his eyes. He ran his hand over his face "We could lose him though Cas. We might only get him for a short while. I can't... I can't watch you go through that again."

Cas touched Dean's face, Dean opened his eyes "I want him. Please, Dean, I can't walk past this room anymore without having a baby in it. This could be our Christopher Robin"

Dean kissed Cas' hand "I want him too. Let's do this."

Cas nodded rapidly and handed Dean the phone. Dean called Hannah back and they set up a time to meet with her the next day and if all went well, bring home their baby. After they got off the phone Cas got up. He set the pooh bear next to the tree he had painted on the back wall and smiled. He whispered to the bear "Soon, you will have a Christopher Robin to play with" He left the room and shut out the light.

 

 

 

 

 


	12. No Reason For My Fears

 At 1:00 pm on the dot Cas and Dean arrived at the Little Hands adoption agency. They were shown into a room decorated in primary colors. It was a cheery and pleasant room. Both of them were so anxious, though, the bright red's, yellows and blue's did nothing to ease their anxiety. Cas held Dean's hand tightly. Finally, Hannah came in and she was holding a bundle in her arms. Cas sat up straighter. Dean nervously chewed on his lip. She brought the baby over and showed them. As soon as they laid eyes on him they knew he was meant for them. He had beautiful skin the color of creamy mocha and the biggest roundest chocolate colored eyes they had ever seen. He had pretty Botticelli black curls upon his head. Dean leaned forward and grabbed his hand "Hey, there's my little man" He smiled at the baby.

Cas reached out for him and Hannah handed him the baby. Cas looked down at him "Aren't you just a perfect little angel?" he whispered.

They went over the paperwork with Hannah but those were all just formalities. All they wanted to do was take their baby and go home. Hannah told them he didn't have a name. Before she even finished speaking Cas chimed in "Christopher. Christopher Robin Winchester." 

Hanna smiled and wrote it down on his birth certificate form. Sooner then they thought, they were strapping Christopher into his car-seat and heading home. They realized they would have to work tirelessly and take turn's holding him so that they could get his nursery put back together. They hardly had to buy anything because they couldn't bear to part with any of the things they had got for the baby they didn't get. As they stopped at a light Cas looked back at him. He said to Dean "I think we didn't get the other baby because we were meant to have him. I don't want to forget a second of his life"

Dean squeezed his leg "You won't, baby. Don't you worry."

When they pulled up to the house they noticed Gabe's red convertible mustang was in the driveway. Dean narrowed his eyes "What is he doing here?"

Cas looked over at Dean "Do you have a problem with my brother I should know about?"

Dean rubbed his head "I forgot to mention it because we got the call about Chris but.. well.. are brothers are..." he glanced back to the back seat "They are doing IT"

Cas raised an eyebrow "IT? Oh! Oh...IT. How do you know?"

"I walked in on them and they were both nude and in Sam's bed"

Cas raised his eyebrows "Oh. Wow. Okay. Well, it's their life, Dean. Sam isn't 16 anymore, you can't baby him forever"

Dean agreed and they headed inside. When they came through the door no one was there. There was a sign that said go upstairs. So they did. When they got to the nursery they pushed open the door and the whole thing had been decorated. The crib, changing table, and swing had all been put together. There were baby clothes folded and put in the little sun yellow dresser with bee's on it Dean had made. Everything was perfect and ready for Christopher. They heard a whistle and came out of the room. Downstairs, their family stood and yelled "Surprise!" 

Dean's mom and Sam were there. Gabe and Cas' dad and (Cas assumed) dad's new girlfriend Becky, were all there as well. They had all come over to get everything situated for the baby to come home. Dean and Cas were grateful and touched by the gesture. Everyone passed the baby around. He laughed and cooed. They brought gifts too. Gabe brought him a little stuffed Tigger because he said he personified individuality. There was no one like Tigger and that was a wonderful thing. Mary gave them a set of 18 blank leather bound journals. She told Cas he could write down all his memories as Christopher grew up so he would never have to worry about forgetting anything. Cas wiped a tear from his eye and hugged Mary. Mary had also given them her old rocking chair that she sat in and rocked both Sam and Dean. She told Dean it was now his turn to be up all night in that chair rocking his baby to sleep. Dean got a little misty too and hugged his mom. Chuck got them a top of the line Baby Bjorn stroller. Sam got them the complete works of A.A.Milne to read to him. Becky even brought a gift a black leather baby carrier because "Studies show wearing your baby helps build a stronger bond" and a black leather diaper bag because "That's what all the cool dad's carry". They all pitched in and got them enough diapers, bottles, and formula to outlast an apocalypse. That night Dean woke up and Cas wasn't in bed. He snuck down the hall and peeked into the nursery. Cas was singing to Christopher and rocking him. Dean recognized the song and smiled.

  _ **I can't fight this feeling any longer**_  
_**And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow**_  
_**What started out as friendship, has grown stronger**_  
_**I only wish I had the strength to let it show**_  
_**I tell myself that I can't hold out forever**_  
_**I said there is no reason for my fear**_  
_**Cause I feel so secure when we're together**_  
_**You give my life direction**_  
_**You make everything so clear**_  
  
_**And even as I wander**_  
_**I'm keeping you in sight**_  
_**You're a candle in the window**_  
_**On a cold, dark winter's night**_  
_**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might**_  
  
_**And I can't fight this feeling anymore**_  
_**I've forgotten what I started fighting for**_  
_**It's time to bring this ship into the shore**_  
_**And throw away the oars, forever**_  
  
_**Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore**_  
_**I've forgotten what I started fighting for**_  
_**And if I have to crawl upon the floor**_  
_**Come crashing through your door**_  
_**Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore**_  
  
_**My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you**_  
_**I've been running round in circles in my mind**_  
_**And it always seems that I'm following you, girl**_  
_**Cause you take me to the places that alone I'd never find**_  
  
_**And even as I wander I'm keeping you in sight**_  
_**You're a candle in the window on a cold, dark winter's night**_  
_**And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might**_                                                          

 Dean came in and started singing too. Cas smiled and they sang the song together.

 _**And I can't fight this feeling anymore** _  
_**I've forgotten what I started fighting for** _  
_**It's time to bring this ship into the shore** _  
_**And throw away the oars, forever** _  
  
_**Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore** _  
_**I've forgotten what I started fighting for** _  
_**And if I have to crawl upon the floor** _  
_**Come crashing through your door** _  
_**Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore.** _

 

 

 

_**ONE YEAR LATER** _

_** ** _

Sam's cell phone rang. He rolled over accidently smacking Gabe in the face. Gabe pushed at his back then slid his hand around his waist. "Hey, sex kitten. Your phone is going off"

Sam rolled over and grabbed his phone. When he answered Dean yelled "THE ADOPTION WENT THROUGH! CHRISTOPHER IS OFFICIALLY OURS! WOOP! "

Sam rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "That's amazing Dean. Kiss him for me and uncle Sam will see him tomorrow for his birthday party."

Gabe yelled into the phone "So will uncle Gaby!" 

Dean said "Well I guess Cas won't need to call and tell Gabe. " he laughed.

Sam hung up and Gabe curled up on his chest. He looked up at Sam and winked "Since we're awake.. wanna fool around?"

Sam laughed and rolled Gabe onto his back pinning him to the bed he kissed him.

 

**_FIVE YEARS LATER_ **

Cas stood at the bus stop holding Christopher's hand. He was not going to cry. He was going to be strong. It was just the first day of school. Nothing to worry about. Lots of kids take the bus to school. Cas looked down at his boy. His little angel was growing up and Cas had no idea what to do. He knelt down in front of Christopher. "Remember what Daddy always tell's you?"

Christopher nodded and said in his little boy voice "Always nemember I'm bwaver than I believe, stwonger than I seem, and smarter than I think."

Cas nodded and kissed his nose "But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” 

Christopher hugged him and whispered "Don't tell the other kids but I love you, daddy"

Cas blinked away tears and whispered back "I love you too Christopher Robin"

Dean swooped him up and put him on his shoulder's "You ready to face the world little man?"

Christopher laughed "Yes cause I'm strong like you dadums"

Dean took him off his shoulders and hugged him "You sure are"

The bus pulled up and he climbed up the stairs. Cas noticed a little stuffed yellow hand peeking out of his backpack. Christopher Robin was taking his pooh bear to school.

They went back inside the house and Yaya hugged Cas. "Is okay to cry. I sad too. You won't need old Yaya now to help with baby"

Dean hugged her "We will always need you Yaya."

 

**_THIRTEEN YEARS_ LATER**

_"East Boston High would like to introduce you to our class Valedictorian for 2033 Christopher Robin Winchester!"_

The crowd applauded. Dean and Cas stood up and cheered. Gabriel whistled and stomped his feet. Sam bounced Sabra on his hip waving her little toddler hand.

Christopher approached the mic "Hello class of 2033. I am honored to be up here as your class valedictorian. As we head out into the world, we will be given all sorts of advice from our families, counselors, teachers and even class mates. Today I want to talk about the main influences I had in my life and what I have learned from them. Those would be my two amazing and supportive Dads and Winney The Pooh. Some people who don't know us might think I missed out by not having a 'mom' but they would be sorely mistaken. While one dad taught me how to build a shelf and fix a car, my other dad taught me to paint and cook. I learned there is value in creating something from your own hands and I learned that every memory no matter how small or insignificant it is, matters. My father kept a journal, every day of my life. He told me it was so he never forgot a single moment in our lives. I'm taking that example with me onto college. I don't want to forget a moment of this journey I am starting out on. What I learned from Winney The Pooh is equal as important to me."

He reached down under the podium and pulled out a ragged and well loved stuffed Winney the Pooh and set it on the podium. 

"Some quotes I want you to take with you on this journey into the great unknown. Things my fathers instilled in me through the stories of a little stuffed bear. First “If ever there is a tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you.” We take the legacy of our families with us and we represent that family in all we do. They might not be with us in person but always in our hearts. Second “You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.” There is a world out there waiting for us to join it, we must be brave and strong and face this world alone. The last quote I say to both my dads who I love more then I can express “How lucky I am to have someone that makes saying goodbye so hard.” 

He wiped a tear from his eyes

"Welcome to the world class of 2033!!"

Everyone cheered. Chris left the podium and Cas and Dean hugged him. Cas tousled his hair. Dean put his arm around both of them so Sam could take a picture. After the picture was taken Dean hugged both his guys to his chest and said "I'm proud of us"

Sabriel came running up. Her little red pig tails bouncing behind her. Chris picked her up "hey little piglet" he rubbed his nose against hers.

She laughed "Hi there pooh bear"

She looked over at Gabe "Papa.. when's lunch?"

Gabe shook his head and slapped Sam's ass "She get's that from you daddy"

They all left and headed out to eat before Christopher left for college.

 

_**One week later** _

Cas and Dean sat alone on the porch swing. Cas laid his head on Dean's shoulder. He whispered a line from Winney The Pooh “I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all the time.”

Dean smiled and kissed his forehead and quoted back to him “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day so I never have to live without you.”

 

**_ _ **

**_THE END_ **


	13. Not really a chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> follow the link if you want to read the W.I.P. of "It Had To Be You" the Sabriel part of this story.

[IT HAD TO BE YOU](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7127243/chapters/16186619) 

<https://youtu.be/MUqV1HoEYLw>


End file.
